Long time no see...well, You asked me to come on over & chime in so I read this whole thread and recall your older ones pretty well. But I'm tired now so this might not touch on all the issues.
You are repeating yourself in some messages / emails/and letters to your h with very Little or no change in the wording, as if a sentence or two here and there will make a difference. No matter how you say you "intend" something, your emails are a major form of pursuit. At times you may be trying (sincerely?) to make the messages come off as a "graceful farewell letter" -- but you only get ONE of those in real life....and you've posted about 4 or 5 on this thread alone. Enough.
Enough. He gets it. You don't "get" him, and you claim to be so confused but I don't see his behavior or wording as confusing (LATELY at least)....And he knows how you feel...definitely. It's confusing b/c you contradict yourself so your inner conflict is apparent. You want to detach and look strong but you don't seem able do that. You have to. WE KNOW it's hard. Example? Okay... You say you are letting him go and you sometimes tell him that in the same messages in which you also say you "love him unconditionally" (translation="more than any OW will!!") then you say "but [you] will let him go (translation=I have no choice- AND am praying you will come back when you "wake up" ) .
SC, you told him a couple times you "just wish you could sit down together, and the two of you could just explain why he can do things now that you used to want to do but not with you and...blah blah blah i.e.,SOME MORE BIG R TALK = pursuit pursuit and more of it...
COME ON, LEAVE HIM ALONE....you are obsessing and this is a year after he has left the home -and you are still reminding him (?!?) and re-writing/re-wording new emails as if there is something new to say, to see if you can just say it this one perfect way this one time THEN the magic secret will be revealed....no honey, that does not work. I know, I tried. I wrote appellate briefs for 3 years and thought "Man if I had my M as a case, I'd win hands down..." it did not matter. Your h cannot hear that...
Your emails and pleas for yet another "R sitdown talk" or "Just sep for 2 years w/o a divorce" and "promise to sell the house" and the pursuit in all its' forms has not worked yet and it's getting more desparate sounding to me. I think it's also that way for him and if you don't back off TODAY you may end up divorced sooner rather than buying time with the separation.
Stop expecting him to keep promises to you and honestly why even put him in a postion to do so? Let the L's get stuff in writing so there are no more promises to break; there are rules to abide by or face consequences...period. Not from you;from the court.
I am not a mind reader but let's look at what we pretty much "know". He does not want to do those activities with you now. What's to explain? He changed his mind. Isn't that the simplest explanation? He didn't plan on it or hide secret desires for decades, he just changed and wants to explore things now that he did not previously explore.
Also he talks of remarriage. Yes he does. Remarriage must have crossed his mind. Thus, another reason for protecting yourself in writing (if it is not in writing, you are not protecting yourself by definition) SO you need to get everything in writing that you can. I do NOT believe a 2 year sep will work for him MAINLY b/c you are pursuing him and if he felt as if he had the space to live as a single man. for awhile at least, that'd be one thing. But if he dates ow you will ask him about them...oh, please do not do that anymore. He has left you, so there is no "hidden A" so stop asking him questions about OW's....really.Why get hurt again or confused as you are? Who cares if he tells YOU that he does not love her, b/c he says he doesn't love you or the dhildren either
If you truly detached (have you read the Detaching section that faithfulH referred kev4dallas to? Please do so asap) THEN MAYBE your h could relax and not need the closure of a divorce. But SC, you have not detached and you are pursuing him with intermittent breaks of insight, which are great, but short lasting...and I see real progress for you. And then big backslides... Lots of progress on the homefront thank God...That's good news. Is s18 still in HS? Is he going to college in the fall or not? Get whoever is paying for it, in writing. Their R is shaky right now so you should help protect your SON. Yes if he's only 18, he needs you to watch out for him on THIS Legal front about college if he intends to go.
Here comes another little 2 x 4...
Why is the s18's behavior on Father's Day any of your business? Why would you tell your son you are disappointed in HIS behavior on Father's Day? Let your h tell s18 if that's how h felt BUT if it's about your feelings on Father's Day and not your husband's, then back off. Why? B/C when you continue to vent here about how your H has broken so many promises and your h did not merely leave you, he left s18 too so why isn't s18 allowed to grieve and feel hurt? I have an issue of R repair between my h and our d20 so I'm familiar with the parental concerns.
Sorry but I think the biggest reason you don't want S18 bugging H, is b/c you fear it'll hurt chances of a reconciliation --which is unfair to s18 and not healthy of you. Can we say Co-dependent and or "denial", etc?
In effect You are enlisting others to help your R with h and to get h back, even now. It isn't your h's behavior that confuses me...it's yours.
You'll post one day that you don't want to reconcile with him "given who he is now"...the very next day you'll gush about his admirable qualities and how sorry you feel for him, you'll "always love him" he was "a great h and father"...etc.
Also, you make frequent demands of an unenforceable nature, wanting him to promise you to sell the dream house---to me, that may be a very foolish (though maybe understandably emotional) choice that could cost you both a lot and that also affects your children since it's their inheritance (though that is not a legal or moral "right" of theirs BUT it is something that could affect them so think of their future wealth instead of the sentimental value it has to YOU (even while admitting it might not be financially sound but you want him to promise this and that and, blah blah blah THIS makes no sense to me.
I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU FEEL ABOUT IT...what makes no sense for me, is that you think it will matter more to him - than the financial realites - and you don't see that it makes your insecurities about OW being in "your bed" more important than 1) financially sound choices, and 2) glaringly obvious to all...how is that letting go? Where is that the strong woman image you want to show him?
SC, it smacks of obsessing and clinging....and we don't want that image at all to go out to him...you KNOW THIS... He has moved on. So let's forget about this OW for a minute. Let's say he keeps the house and buys you out, and you invest the money in a lower priced but FINE new home, or condo, (great time to buy down here anyhow) that suits you fine...so what difference does it make what he does with the house anymore?
You said you're letting go but you are not. You are holding on to him madly, scurrying around with different versions of the graceful but -still- designed to get him to re-consider- "Goodbye emails...", and still talking about "the dreamhouse" (still calling it that is not a good sign) ...and on that note, these promises you drag out of him....
What can he say when you phrase it the desparate way you do? e.g., "this ONE promise if our M or children ever meant anything to you, or if you have a shred of honor or integrity left in you...then you must do this ONE small thing for me"....and then you again insist that he promise (always verbally, and never in writing which might be enforceble) indicates an odd pattern here. He has lied before, he has withheld information from you and he has changed his mind and yet you keep asking for meaningless promises...instead of getting it in writing...
Why? B/C you can keep contacting him? That's also why I think you are underutilizing the L's....when they are clearly needed...that's what we/they are for, when WAS's dont' keep their word OR when the spouses do NOT want the same things and you don't. Who are you kidding? You want him and ANY OW's out of the "dreamhouse" and to him that is strictly a financial choice, and as long as you get your share of the equity why should he make a diff choice? he won't feel he screwed you or is being unfair at all. You keep harping also on how you "never intended to hurt him" but I bet he can swear on a bible he never did anything TO HURT you...he did things that hurt you as a byproduct or collateral damage. He'd have to be a real schmuck to deliberately hurt you deeply...so you need to stop hammering that point so much b/c it is another form of pursuit.
All the talk of "being honorable and having integrity" TO HIM FROM YOU, is pursuit in some form. I agree that you should practice those values buy pointing them out to him is pursuit and it is NOT letting go. In my opinion even your "going dark" was only partial and it was totally superficial in that it was not GAL...it was tactical only, to get him back and not to detach for YOU. You filled time with fillers...waiting and waiting...to see what if he...what if???
I say let him really go and live your life as if you have shut a door on a chapter and are looking forward to what happens next. yes I had two relatives who divorced and remarried YEARS later so it does happen. But you are pursuing too much for him to make the changes and growth he needs to make for you to reconcile. The longer you are "attached" to his outcome, the slower a recon will be if it is possible. If it is NOT possible, then it slows down your moving on anyhow...
He "promised not to divorce" you, but oops he does want some closure...(SIDEBAR---do you have a L with military experience or have you spoken to JAG about this? Please do so as I dont' see how a M over 20 years does not give you full med benefits UNLESS your m and his service are not <20.... please see a JAG laweyr). As a former JAG lawyer myself, and assuming you have the 20/20 coverage, why isn't your health care a done deal?
Well so you know, I DO Think you have not flown off the handle (lately?) insanely with vitriolic disgrace... Kudos to you for that.
And you have shouldered "adult" children kindly if not co-dependently but that's for your c & you to work on... I think you can start working on you and ONLY you and I noted your comment about that. It's crucial for every reason here.
If you do have a chance of reconciling it'd be from true detachment and you know you have some major work to do on that. Really you do. Read that section over and over every day, literally. That's my free advice which you are free to ignore.
If you don't have that chance, detaching helps you move on anyhow. If you shut a door, don't worry that he'll assume he cannot ever change his mind and that it'd be TOO HARD for him to return...that's a copout LBSers use to stay glued to the WAS...DETACH and LET GO. I believe it'll be a first for you and I know you don't want to hear that but you should in a way. B/C it's a new thing you never truly did....so who knows/ But it cannot be a tactic...
And try to enjoy the wonderful grandbaby girl you have when you do get her. Thank God for her (hope she's okay now). It is so late and I'm nodding off now so pardon the repetitive babbling on. Just wanted to finish it before bed since you asked me to step in and look. Is there hope? A little. But back off like never before. Period. Let him hear (but not see) the busy you GAL, and allow some comfortalbe memories return back to the surface in h. Do not worry that he won't know. It's pretty silly given how many people overlap in your lives.
And last, take a breath or a pill or something...and stop worrying about the house....it's only a structure- that absorbed too much of your time and energy and brought new stresses with it. You are not competing with your h as to who is the best off or most comfortable down the road...it's about you being happy and the "winner is" the one who is happy...let's hope down the road you both are. If together, great. If not, great. Teach your kids you can be happy with or without h too and let them take care of their own R's. My DB coach said for me to help support the repair efforts of H with d20...but I AM NOT responsible for it.
Hard to watch I know...but NOT your responsibilty and my layman's opinion is that some of your problems with the kids is that you have made it your job to make them happy (but not you, so you are afraid at some level that you don't know what it means for you to be "happy" in a vacuum. I reccme and they have accepted that --which is a crippling thing for them.
Your children may not know how to make themselves happy and that's a challenge they need to be able to meet in life and not a burden for you to carry. It's unhealthy. (Kind of like me staying up WAY too late...OMG I'm going to crash in the morning!) Sorry about the spelling/grammar mistakes but I'm fatigued.
Good luck and keep us posted... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thank you, 25, for taking the time to share your wisdom with me. I know that you are right on about my needing to really let go, and I really want to! I just don't know how! I mean I know how to "fake it", but I don't seem to get any closer to "making it". I used my whole C session today talking about this. He said that this back and forth thing is normal and I am too hard on myself, but I get so frustrated! I know what I need to do both mentally and physically to let go, but the feelings. Just when I think I am finally making progress, I fall on my a**!!!
Since you are a lawyer, I also want to clarify my sitch......
1. My H and I are having to do bankruptcy and seperation. Because of the current dismal market, neither of our homes have "equity". So there is no "buying me out". H gets both houses because he can afford them with his salary. I can't afford the payments on the house I live in because we did a 15 year mortgage 4 years ago(partially to help finance the dream property purchase). I can't refi because I can't qualify on my salary.
2. If we do the seperation first to get me the "maintenance" to afford the house, assuming I could even get that much in the first place because ours is a community property no fault state, and I have a good job......but I also have $900 taken out of my paycheck monthly to pay a loan on my retirement account which we took out for.....you guessed it, the "dream house". That loan is of course not "dischargable" in the bankruptcy. There is also an issue in that the "maintenance" and/or "my part of H's military retirement" would put me over the income requirement to qualify for a Chapter 7.
3. Our bankruptcy lawyer will only work with us if we work together because this is so complex. He is the best in the state and has even helped write several of the current state laws for bankruptcy. He says that we can do a Chapter 7 for me, and THEN do the seperation and get "maintenance", and THEN H can do his Chapter 13 (since maintenance is also "not dischargeable" in bankruptcy). L says that we can put things like H's truck and some other things that are "paid for" in my name for my Chapter 7 since I can "protect" them with my wild card exemption. But the houses, and cars, which are upside down (i.e. owe more than worth, so H won't need the homestead exemption at all!). So, the L says it's just a matter of numbers and where they are allowed for (i.e. I stay in my house, H keeps driving his truck and I drive my car......) BUT......
4. This "deal" requires that I do my Chapter 7 first which entails me giving up my "rights" to house, car..... H says that I will come out rosy with all this because he will be making the payments on the houses and cars within his bankruptcy so I will get to live here "rent free" for the 5 years of his Ch 13. Then he will "sign it back over to me". In the meantime, I am absolved of all debt, and get to go on my merry way. Sounds great, right? EXCEPT, what happens if H remarries in that time? And worse yet, if he dies after remarrying and before his Ch 13 is done?? What then? Is wifey-poo going to allow me to keep the house? For that matter, can I really trust H to not "change his mind" after he's "paid for the house" all those years? BUT, the million dollar question my divorce L is questioning is how do we put this in "writing" (like you have said is so important) without putting me at risk for being charged with bankruptcy fraud!????!!! (i.e. I absolve myself of the debt with my Ch 7, only to get the house back later....) Of course, we have no desire to "bilk the system", only to come out of this as best we can. And as far as the actual money is concerned, it's no different to the lender because the mortgage on my house will be "re-affirmed" and paid for by H anyway, but will the court and/or trustee see it that way? My L is looking into this and has no idea how to protect me with this. So, I have potential for being sitting pretty.......unless......
5. Upon divorce, I loose my military benefits after one year because, although we have been married for 26+ years, only 18 of that was active duty. To keep my benefits, it needs to be 20 years of the marriage being active duty.
So, I have pretty much lost all my security at this point. I have a good lawyer and I do sincerely believe that H means to "do right by me"......it's just the other possibilities that scare me. And it boggles my mind that because we are in bankruptcy too, and live in a no fault state where spousal maintenance is not a "given", the whole landscape of the divorce changes! There is no "leveling of the playing field" for my divorce, because we are "bankrupt" and therefore have no net assets......but in fact we do!!!!
So, 25, you're a lawyer....... if you have any ideas for me, I'd love to hear 'em!! I am on the alt universe under "SChrldr".
((((((hugs))))))
Last edited by Silent Chrleader; 06/25/0905:57 AM.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I don't have time to really reply but can you guys hang in there for marrriage until you hit the 20 year mark or is he already retired?
And reserves count too but at a different rate. (H just rejoined the reserves b/c the NAVY gave him a much better deal than the Army -which we had been in for years and years....but navy uniforms look better but now I'll go read up on their ranks..)
Yes you can put stuff in writing and keep them in a different place and you'd both be on the hook for fraud...IF it got out and was interpreted that way OR just say it's a contractual dispute...write it more formally after the bankruptcy and do the DIV later...
I don't know enough of your state's laws OR Bankruptcy so to me, the question is, do you trust your div L?
If so, do what they say and don't obsess so much. Leave the complexities to them as that is what they are there for and you are NOT to trust your h on this. It would only make you sick and crazy and you must be tired of feeling that way by now...and are they YOUR kids together, right?
He's fooling himself if he thinks he does not love them OR he is seriously damaged goods.
Go read up on deatchment honey. You really really need to do that. Don't "think about it"...DO IT. It's long overdue.
take care, Gotta go now, sorry but will post more later...
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
-H is retired Navy. He was in the Navy for 22 years active duty, 18 of which we were married, so we don't meet the 20/20/20 wicket, thus I only keep my benefits for the one year.
-Are you saying that my L can put our agreements in writing and not put herself in jeopardy "if it got out"?? And yes, I tust my div L. She came highly recommended from a friend who works with several judges in the area in her job (and she also was the L for this friend's sister when she divorced from her retired military husband).
-My kids are "our" kids, but they are 18 and 24 years old.....and yes I'm tired of worrying about all this.
- I know he loves the kids, even if he can't feel it right now. Our C has even speculated that H might suffer from some form of an attachment disorder..... not sure about that one, but there are definitely some "issues" he is dealing with now.
- I do believe that H means what he says and will do the best he can for me (while saving "dream property" for himself as top priority). That's really OK by me now. Even if we can't get an agreement in writing for him to "sign the house back over to me", if we do an occupancy/lease agreement whereby I get the house "rent free" for the time of his Ch 13, by that time I will have the car and my retirement loan paid off, so I will be in a good position financially even if he were to "reneg" on the "deal".
- This morning while getting ready to go for a root canal, I got a knock on the door from a guy here to repossess H's boat (which is up at the dream property). I gave him H's number and told him I was sure H would cooperate. I then called H and gave him a heads up. He chuckled and said thanks. He then called me back to ask me what I had told this guy, which I told him, and then he reminded me that he has a medical savings plan that he has been paying into which he set up to pay for C services for S18, but S18 is not using it, so he is going to use it to pay my co-pay on the root canal, and I will pay the cash into his account.
- I have also told H that during his Ch 13 if I were get any Bonuses from my job (not likely at this point), I would "share" some of that and help him out all I could. He knows that I stand by my word and am not greedy, so hopefully this helps to aleviate (sp?) any anxiety he has about his outlook for the coming future. He called and left me a VM this afternoon (I didn't answer the phone) and told me status that he had called my dentist with the info from his med savings plan, but they were already closed so he would call tomorrow. So, all in all, I am feeling good about how we are dealing with each other through this.
- You'll probably think this is silly, but I had a reading done by a psychic (somebody recommended by my "flakey" sister - not just one of those on-line goofs). It was really interesting and she was "on" in many regards. I won't go into it all, but she basically told me that she saw H and I "on different shores but facing each other" which indicated "understanding but distance". She said that she saw H as a "good hearted" man, but "without a voice for his emotions".......and she said that "within a year" I would meet the "love of my life"...... I don't really "believe in" this stuff as far as the decisions I make in my life, but the whole exercise was positive for me and I am feeling better today.
Thanks again for you support and good advice, 25!
(((((hugs)))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I am doing much better than the past couple days. H called tonight while I was on the phone and I didn't stop to take his call. At his VM request, I did call him back and discussed status of the medical savings for my root canal.
We also talked about S18, his plans for the dream house, and my concerns for "unforseen problems" in "the plan". It was a very good talk actually. Very cordial (almost friendly!) and I feel much better about my security issues......and I think H feels much better to because I assured him of my understanding of the "cash bind" he will be in during his Ch 13, and my appreciation of his generosity it helping me keep this house, and I will get it at the end of the 5 years at which time it will only have 5-6 years left on the mortgage, and by then the loan on my retirement will be paid so I can afford the payments. He has promised that if he changes his Will (which he doesn't plan to do at this point), he will keep it in the Will that I get this house, thus assuring my security. I have assured him that when I talk about the work needed on this house, I understand that I will likely have to pay necessary cash outlay needed for materials as his money will be "tied up". I also told him that I would notify him if I happen to get any bonuses in those years and "share the wealth" as is only fair. Yep, a very good conversation, in all aspects.......even if I don't want the D.
I am feeling pretty good and even optimistic right now.......I hope it lasts!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
SC I cannot say I am clear on all the details of this. I'm not. The benefits you are referring to that end in one year, are they the health care and BX or just the health care? Either way, you won't get rejected for med ins, though worst case scenario, you'll have to pay a COBRA like amount which can be put in the DIV agreement. You are getting something like 45% of the retirment, correct?
Your H sounds really odd to be saying he doesn't know if he loves you or the kids, etc. And pathetic and sad. Ouch. And it suggests a bit of MLCing but a lot of big underlying stuff there. Was he uncommunicative before all this? When did you notice the changes first? Were his long TDY's a good thing or did he grow apart the more you were geographically apart?
Sometimes people who are on their own A LOT, cannot mix again...
I don't have much else to say but to DETACH b/c the level of detail in your situation and the amount of energy going into all these machinations is beyond me. I wonder if you could maybe turn this over to God spiritually, and your L legally. Step out of the results and leave those up to others, while you simply do your best to GAL, move forward, and DETACH...seriously detach.
You are not doing that by all this..."stuff" going on and decision trees going around. Know what I'm saying? I am NOT suggesting your L is or is not covered by one document, or anything.
I'm simply asking who says someone is telling "the authorities" what, about your bankruptcy or the divorce, etc.??
Nor are the two legal events or documents necessarily connected. But I'm in no position to assess that. You'll have to trust your L. (If you do, you do...know what I mean?)
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hey SC, good for you that you will get the house and all. So, it sounds like most of that is ironed out. I think the contact between you and h needs to be less.
You cannot detach while you are still going back and forth to each other. Only connect when it is alsolutely necessary. It really is better for you.
Hang in there. It looks like financially you are going to be ok. That is one huge boulder off your back (wish I could say the same).
So, what are you going to do for SC? Let's get some goals going, my friend.
I loose ALL military benefits after one year, EXCEPT I get "my portion" of his retirment of course. There may be a COBRA like thing available beyond that, but I'm not sure and it wouldn't include still being seen by my Dr which I have had for 15+ years. But I do have a job and benefits through them, which is good, except I will have co-pays and such on visits and the meds I take permanently which will be a big pain in the behind. And, yes, I get 40% of his taxable retirement. AND H has said he is not going to claim "his part" of my retirment account either.
My H has always had issues with the "messy" stuff like emotions and relationships. He is a good man with a good heart, and always did his best to be a good husband and father, but he was by no means and "instinctive father". We were involved with our kids schools and had counseling with our both our kids (D24 is "high functioning autistic", and S18 had ADD and Tourets Syndrome). This obviously was a challenge to a man that saw things in "black and white", and didn't like the "messy" stuff, be he was in that counselors office every Saturday for 7 years and also home schooled our D when things got so bad at public school for her.
I remember an incident just a couple days before D24 was born. I found H sitting on end of our bed crying, which was very unlike him!! When I asked what was wrong, he said that something was wrong with him. That he just didn't feel what he should feel. All the excitement he hears from other guys having a baby, wanting to feel it kick, hearing the heartbeat.....he just didn't feel that way. I now know that, during his teenage years in his family, they were on welfare and trying to build a printing business that they started with an inheritance his Mom got. H used to stay up all night working at getting a "job" out, and then ditch school to go sleep in the car in the parking lot. H's brother told me just a few months ago that their father had given H that "responsibility" to build his self esteem because he was a very shy withdrawn kid. H however, it has come to light, saw it as the whole support of the family was on his shoulders. So, he saw family as a responsibility, not a joy. Still does......
When we told H's mom that I was pregnant with D24, she was surprised and told H that she didn't think he wanted a family. H now sees that as very significant and honestly believes that he shouldn't have, but he did it because that's what he thougth he was supposed to do....... He really believes that. And though he would never admit it, I think he feels like a "failure" because our children had their "issues".
So, he was never very demonstrative or great at spending "quality time" with the family, although we did do it. Went camping, fishing, boating, etc., but H often had little patience (with himself for us). That's part of why the kids have major issues with him, although to give him his due, he has gone out of his way to try to maintain contact and relationship with the kids.
Today, I drove my car to work rather than do the bus thing, so I could take some stereo equipment to H, which he took up to the "dream property" this weekend (so the guys that are going up there with him for the 4th of July will have "tunes"). Our conversation last night, and the exchange of the equipment last night went very well. We also seem to have come to an understanding that we both really do care about the other, and don't want to be greedy or vindictive, and that we are both lucky that the other sees things in that same vein.
I really do feel that we will, in fact, be able to work things out to both our satisfaction. My concerns are no longer really him changing his mind and "shafting me", but more of the possibility of unforseen circumstances, and he has helped to re-assure me in that regard.
And, yes, I do trust my lawyer.
((((((25))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
With the bankruptcy, it's impossible to not have contact at this point, but actually we do seem to have turned a corner, now that I have really "let go" of the "dream property", and he has committed to seeing that I will keep this house and actually come out very well financially when all is said and done.
I am feeling much more secure and even sort of optimistic, although I will feel better when he really get a handle on how the numbers are going to come out.
I am doint OK, and have been trying to get back into the exercise (water aerobics), and I need to be much more diligent in my meditation and sleep habits. Those two things I think will help me a great deal in my overall moods and comfort.
I got some good deals on clothes for work which were on clearence. So, I am set......
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
