K4D Rising #2

[K4D]

I am doing stuff. I am going to C. I am going to an AA meeting tonite. I am trying to do fun things with my kids. I am going to church. I pray. I read the bible. I read stuff on here and links and things. I told W yesterday that I need to come by the house and get my golf clubs because I am planning on playing a little this weekend.

On to D7 and our night and morning. D7 was missing her mommy last night and said that she does not like this arrangement of having to switch one night a week in the middle of the week. She wants a full week with her mommy and then a full week with her daddy. She told me that I will get her next week and that this week she wanted to be with mommy. So I may have to discuss with her mommy about just a week on a week off. It will be hard, but it may be what is best for the girls. I have to put their needs above mine. They are the ones most affected by this and need stability.

This morning I asked D7 if she talks to mommy about her feelings regarding the D or only me. She pointed at me. I said why don't you tell your mommy what you are thinking. She said because. I said because why. She didn't say anything. I said are you afraid? She said yes. I said why. She said because she is afraid that mommy will get mad at her.

I had already known that D11 was afraid to talk to her mom about her feelings on the subject as she had told me that previously, but I didn't know about D7. So now I know they both are and that their mom doesn't know that it is still on their mind unless I say something because they are afraid of her getting mad at them. I didn't say anything to W about it. But I am the only one they will talk to about it.

I am trying to get on with my life. The prodigal son point is a good one as well. Last night I really tried hard to block W out of my mind and just try and focus on D7 and the moment.

Kevin