Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I have to say, I admire 25, City, and the many others who still bother to post to you. You have had something like what--15 or 16 threads already, right? They are still telling you the EXACT SAME stuff they were telling you back in December when you first came on board. Yet, you continue to almost COMPLETELY disregard anything they say to you.
We all get that you miss your wife. We all miss our spouses. We all miss what we THOUGHT we once had. HOWEVER-- this is reality--whether you like it or not. Reading your threads is like watching a train wreck. As much as I want, I cannot look away. It is a real shame that you completely fail to acknowledge your complete co-dependence and need for detachment. You spout platitudes and do nothing to back them up.
Get over yourself Kevin. So what if the D got dismissed. IT MEANS NOTHING!! You still do not live in the same house, your W is still excluding you from things, your W is still seeing other men, your W does not believe you will change. You know what, I am beginning to doubt it, too. It is not that you CAN'T, it is that you REFUSE to. Go ahead, continue to wallow in self-pity and do nothing, all the while expecting your wife to joyfully jump back in your life because it is all you can think about.
FaithfulH told me something very profound once. Yes, the Prodigal's family wanted him to come home. BUT, that does not mean they sat around doing nothing. They got on with their lives as if he was never coming back. They learned to live without him, while hoping for his return.
You are squandering the prime opportunity to figure out who Kevin is--all because you cannot let your obsession go. Get over yourself and move forward. Otherwise, you will still be here, whining about how your wife won't take you back while the rest of us will have all moved on because we recognized the opportunities instead of the struggles in this season of our lives.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I am doing stuff. I am going to C. I am going to an AA meeting tonite. I am trying to do fun things with my kids. I am going to church. I pray. I read the bible. I read stuff on here and links and things. I told W yesterday that I need to come by the house and get my golf clubs because I am planning on playing a little this weekend.
On to D7 and our night and morning. D7 was missing her mommy last night and said that she does not like this arrangement of having to switch one night a week in the middle of the week. She wants a full week with her mommy and then a full week with her daddy. She told me that I will get her next week and that this week she wanted to be with mommy. So I may have to discuss with her mommy about just a week on a week off. It will be hard, but it may be what is best for the girls. I have to put their needs above mine. They are the ones most affected by this and need stability.
This morning I asked D7 if she talks to mommy about her feelings regarding the D or only me. She pointed at me. I said why don't you tell your mommy what you are thinking. She said because. I said because why. She didn't say anything. I said are you afraid? She said yes. I said why. She said because she is afraid that mommy will get mad at her.
I had already known that D11 was afraid to talk to her mom about her feelings on the subject as she had told me that previously, but I didn't know about D7. So now I know they both are and that their mom doesn't know that it is still on their mind unless I say something because they are afraid of her getting mad at them. I didn't say anything to W about it. But I am the only one they will talk to about it.
I am trying to get on with my life. The prodigal son point is a good one as well. Last night I really tried hard to block W out of my mind and just try and focus on D7 and the moment.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
This morning I asked D7 if she talks to mommy about her feelings regarding the D or only me. She pointed at me. I said why don't you tell your mommy what you are thinking. She said because. I said because why. She didn't say anything. I said are you afraid? She said yes. I said why. She said because she is afraid that mommy will get mad at her.
I hope I'm just taking this wrong...Why would you ask you D this? What do you want her to tell your W that she doesn't want you to D? Of course she doesn't and your W knows this too...I confused on why YOU initiated this conversation.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Because D7 had started talking to me about it this past weekend so I wanted to know if I am the only one she talks to about it or not and if so why. I wanted to know what is her thought process is and why.
Now I know. They are afraid to talk to their mom about it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Instead of grilling your D about why she doesn't talk to her Mom about the situation, which is yet ANOTHER opportunity for you to bash your W, why didn't you just reinforce that she can always come to you. The important things is that she has someone to talk to. And what about counseling for the girls? Have you followed up on that? I'm sure you haven't, because it doesn't match up with your agenda.
Once again, you blew an opportunity to forge a stronger connection with your D, because you were so intent on what YOU needed to know. For heaven's sake, you even make your D's feelings all about YOU.
And don't post that you didn't bash your wife. Your daughter just doesn't listen to what you say, she picks up on your tone and the questions you ask, and the implication that there's a problem with their Mom.
Your wife is a smart woman, she knows your D's don't want their parents to divorce.
Be available to talk to them, look into counseling. There might be others, a pastor, or another relative that your D's can talk with.
Wake up Kevin, this behavior is turning from pathetic to potentially harmful.
I am making phone calls this morning to christian family counselors.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Would not taking anymore phone calls and filing for D be a wake up call? Would it be a 180 on my part and make W step back and think? I've seen it work for others on here as recently as today. That would be a sign of strength and being over it wouldn't it?
She would be shocked as crap if I did that. I wonder if it would have any affect on her. I mean if I told her if she is going to continue to go out with other men then I am done and file.
Any thoughts? I'm not looking for sarcasm.
Or is that controlling and manipulative? Would she not care anyways? Would it garner respect from her? It is such a huge risk though. But would it pay off? What are the chances?
Ok, I'm outa here and off to my AA meeting.
Take care,
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
