As Kalni said, only YOU can determine your specific situation, only YOU know your H well enough to know whether or not he has 'checked out'.
If it helps, my opinion: If there were no infidelity involved, I would have waited decades for my XW to come back to reality. So maybe you can apply that to your situation. I now see how the death of my MIL sent my XW into a 'alternate reality', her own version of depression, but as siad, she left me and replaced my position in my children's lives with someone else and that I can not and will not ever let just ride until her 'alternate reality' crashes around her.
Hope that helps some.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
