Separated and doing well...

[steady]

Hi Carlos. It's been quite a while since I've been to one of your threads. This really stood out to me:

Last Friday, as shew as picking up my S2 to go visit her parents for the weekend - she just had this strange presence about her - as though I should just do anything to accommodate her - and it upset me more than I wanted it to...Let me explain, I was at the top of the stairs holding my son, she was down on the street rummaging through her trunk - and supposedly in a hurry. Eventually, she looked up and said, "well, bring him down." To which I said, "I'm not going to bring him down to you, come up and get him." It was cold of me - I know - but I also know that she was trying to control me yet again - and it's become increasingly obvious to me that any kindness on my part will be taken advantage of by her...without fail...and so I prefer to offer only my indifference instead.

I don't think it's cold at all. It's more of you standing up and putting value on yourself and I think what you did was very healthy.

My W did a similar thing to me the other day. I was in the front yard working on fixing the paver stones leading to the front stoop. My kids were helping me dig some of them up.

I went inside to get a drink and told my W - "The kids are out front digging up the pavers". She turned to me and said, "Don't let them do that." I looked at her and said, "They're already doing it. And they are helping me." I said it in a way where my internal intention was - don't try to control what I am doing with the kids. Kind of like - this is how it is going to go and that's it...period.

It came across that way and I felt her change more to a position where she realized what was going on and then she started to explain why she said what she said. She was making it up on the fly and I didn't address any of it and I just went outside again.

It's taking care of me and standing up to a person who is controlling. Very healthy indeed.

The more I allow that kind of behavior from her, the less respect she will have for me. But more inportantly, the less respect I will have for myself.