You would be doing it for yourself..not really to open her eyes or heart about anything.
And it's for that reason, that I believe it would only return to you more negativity.
I can't believe that any OP doesn't know the damage and hurt that they've contributed to the family of the person they've become involved with. They didn't care then...they won't care now. The only instance where I can see it making a difference is if the OP never had an idea that the person they're involved with is married w/family.
It is so easy for us LBS to blame the OP for more than 50% of the affair and 100% cause of our situation. We want to forget that our beloved spouses are the ones that had a choice in the matter. To me, that gives them(WAS) way more than 50% of the responsibility of the destruction that always follows...if not 100%.
Telling the OP what they've contributed to is only going to make them closer to the WAS...they BOTH will feel that it's 'them' against 'you'. They have to have enough time with each other to really start to see all the faults and warts of the other, to see the true colors and personality weaknesses..the same ones that we LBS eventually saw, but overlooked because of our love and commitment to our spouse. When they are faced with their 'less than perfect' affair partner, when the newness is gone..then both the OP and the WAS may wish they had made much different choices in the beginning.
As much as it might lighten your load to unburden to the OP what they helped cause, try to remember they already have a pretty good idea...as does your spouse...and at this point in time it doesn't really make much of an impression on them.
As someone else suggested, write it down...then burn it up.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
