I Love You But...

[eternaloptimist]

Just wanting to get some more of my thoughts down here...

You know, I've realized a few things about myself in the past two weeks. My self-confidence and self-esteemed have really been trashed. I didn't realize how badly. I'm so grateful for the DBing b/c it really IS helping me to rebuild my confidence. I've also weeped for the mistakes I've made early on in the marriage that eroded his trust in me. I had one night where I felt like all of this was all of my fault and I cried for a good hour, really sobbed. It was cathartic. I held on to that and honored it and it has helped in some strange way to make me stronger.

Also, since most of our mutual college friends have sided with my H, I also didn't realize how important it would be for me to have another man see how my H's behavior has been so hurtful. I've mostly been talking to girlfriends for support, but not any other guys. When I reached out to one of my H's friends for the past 10 years (not a college buddy), he helped me turn a corner. He was so hurt by what my H has done that he told me that he has nothing more to say to my H. I guess his admonition of what my H has done gave me some self-esteem back. It means a lot to know from another man's perspective that I should not allow myself to be treated like this.