I understand this. Ok, here are some thoughts from the "other side". Your H made this OW feel like she was special, probably said things to her that made her feel like she was going to be with him forever, she was "broken" when she met your H, and now is "broken" even more if that is possible. Your H probably feels guilt about this, especially since she had his child. Even though your H now realizes that relationship was bad, he still feels guilt and has feelings about her.
I completely agree with you about this. I KNOW this to be true, just by what he has said and what she has said. I also think the babay just makes it worse because the contact is never broken, so the draw and drug still remain. I know he also realizes the R is bad and is bad for him, but because she has not managed to kill all of his feelings for her through her craziness he is still engaged in an EA that is dying hard.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
When having an affair, the affair partners very often are a little "off". For them to have a relationship with a married person in the first place, tells you that there is some lack of self esteem, lack of knowledge about love and commitment, etc.
My former OM was like your H's OW. I KNEW when I told him that we were done, that it wouldn't end quietly. We didn't have a child between us, but that didn't stop the phone calls, the hang up calls, I know he passed the house a few times, he got involved with the police a couple times, etc. You would think that would make me feel better about ending it....because he was "crazy". But, problem is, I felt the guilt about it...I knew he was emotional when I met him and it was one of the reasons I liked him......if it weren't for me, making him fall for me, convincing him that we were heading toward a real relationship, etc., he wouldn't be so upset. I was the cause of this OM's pain. And, on top of it, I missed him. It's just emotionally difficult. Not impossible, just difficult.
Not impossible, just dying hard and she just doesn't get it. She absolutely does not see that she has done anything wrong. She left me a VM that detailed some pretty graphic stuff as well as let me know that since I seemed ok with being with him that she didn't see why she shouldn't be too. She doesn't even understand why my kids would see her as the bad guy, it had to be explained to her that even though my kids KNOW their dad was also to blame for the A, that since he is their father they would learn to deal with him, she however would ALWAYS be "bad" in their eyes and she didn't understand....HELLLO!!!
The situation right now is difficult enough with him getting ready to try and file B, but to have this drama on top of it, is getting to be too much. There is really no "working" on anything but friendship right now because the rest seems to add too much pressure.
Mikey...that is crazy stuff man. I'm not ready for a RO yet, but I have saved all of her VM and texts as I think they will make a lovely Christmas gift for her parents , or they will back up my story with the cops.
Pup, I'm patient...I won't do it until I'm sure I have enough to really put her azz in a sling. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst!!!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
S&S....I saw your Huffington post about the gov. While reading it, I read your signature. I don't know your stich, but, I am so sorry for the pain that you must have suffered through. Stay strong. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
S&S....I saw your Huffington post about the gov. While reading it, I read your signature. I don't know your stich, but, I am so sorry for the pain that you must have suffered through. Stay strong. FIB
FIB thanks. Its been a long haul and there is no real end in sight, but I'm certainly better now than I was this time last year.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Hey Corey, how are you holding up? I vote for the trace too. This woman is bound to take enough rope to hang her hiney but good. (lol, sorry that just put the most hilarious image in my mind!)
Let us know how you are.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Things have been pretty quiet with the Troll, the last little go around was Friday, July 3 and lasted for a short time. I also let him know that I am saving all of the VM she leaves me and will be putting them on a CD for her family members for Christmas. I guess he told her and its stopped (for now).
We have been spending time together and just trying to work on our friendship and not put a lot of pressure on things. If there is any pressure its from me. Its also very hard for me to believe him as we all know from experience...CHEATERS LIE. So I take nothing at face value and I know it bugs him, but it is what the situation calls for. I am hopeful, but we will just have to see where things go.
There is a lot of work to be done and its going to be slow going... Just wanted to stop in and say "hi" and bore you all some more.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I also let him know that I am saving all of the VM she leaves me and will be putting them on a CD for her family members for Christmas. I guess he told her and its stopped (for now).
Speaking of learning stuff, that is BRILLIANT!!!! That's a wonderful idea.
, or they will back up my story with the cops.
