I hate my H

[Done in VA]

Hi Sandi -

I have wanted to hear from you for awhile, but also know that you are very busy helping others.

At first it is exciting and it brings a thrill

Can you help me understand this? What about it is exciting or thrilling?

I wondered if you could read thru my sitch & let me know your thoughts. The thing that keeps me holding onto my marriage is the contrasts in how H acts vs. what H says. It seems like in most sitches the S leaves shortly after they drop the bomb. Or they talk about leaving or D. H is still in the same house, sleeping in same bed, calls to let me know where he is going, calls to offer to pick dinner for me when he is running out for himself...things like that. He has said things awhile back such as - no matter what happens, we're all going to be ok. When he first dropped the bomb & I asked questions about splitting up - he seemed to have a plan like - I would be able to afford the house, he would still be very involved w/the kids, things like that...

But he has NEVER said the D word. In MC, he said even a month ago he still didn't know what he was going to do. I just keep thinking Why is he still here? Does he know deep down how much is at stake & really wants to make the right decision? Does he really not want to go, but subconsiously is just punishing me for awhile for feeling like I controlled him?

Any suggestions on how to act with him? I have, as you may have read, figured out how to drop the rope just last week.