The last two days have been neutral at the homefront. I have been focusing on my work and my two kids. The W has been distant with me, but polite.
Today, I cooked dinner for the family. All throughout dinner and afterwards, my W was telling the kids that "she" was going to take them to the community pool this evening. She said this about a dozen times, without including me a single time. Funny, when it comes to doing things with the kids, I'm always inclusive of the W, even when I don't want her around. Also, I'm the one always taking the kids to the pool, I just love doing it.
Then I thought to myself...whatever, I've got to prepare for work tomorrow anyways...it's cool. As the W and kids were getting ready to go out the door, my son ran over to me and wanted me come with him. I told him "thank you son, but it's alright...I wasn't invited...I wasn't going...I've got work to do...go have fun." I really was fine about it. He said "no, we are going swimming as a family." Smart kid for only being 5 years old. Unfortunately, my W grew very angry with me...how dare you use the kids against me. I told her that I truly wasn't, but I guess my words did not come out right. She didn't believe me...she only sees the worst in me. But I have to say to this bulliten board that I really wasn't trying to use my kids against her. If she wanted alone time with the kids, she simply should have told me... I would have understood.
It was at this point that I realized...to heck with her. I was ticked off. She's the one trying to break up our family, not me. I know that alot of the relationship blame belongs to me, but she has some culpability as well. My guilt was going to stop. It was as if my fears about losing her just lifted, at least temporarily. I decided to go to the pool with them and have a great time. I did not show my anger and resentment...I simply had a blast with the kids while avoiding W like the plague. While she was at one end of the pool, I was at the other being Mr. Fun, as if nothing bothered me. Within an hour, my W left with my D2.5 while my son and I stayed behind. I talked to the other moms at the pool and simply enjoyed myself. One of the pretty moms actually started to play catch with my son while I sat off to the side (maybe just a ploy to start talking with me).
Anyways...as I continue to DB and work on myself, I find my confidence and self-esteem starting to return, one small step after the other. We'll see.
Good night to all. -LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
