Well, the mediation is over and now the court battle begins. As I have told another friend of mine, that big sucking sound you hear is our finances being drained away by the upcoming legal expenses. While I am gravely disappointed that xW in the end decided to drag us all into a costly lose-lose tragedy, I am not surprised, at all.
We had a very perceptive mediator who kept us both on track and focused on the matter at hand. We each got to state our positions on what xW is asking a court to award her in the way of custody. xW wants to now reduce my time with our S's to just every other weekend only, and with half of the twelve track-out weeks during the school year. Her excuse is that she believes that S8 needs more structure to succeed academically -- structure which she thinks only she can provide, totally discrediting my contributions to our S's lives
The mediator had us each consider a way that we might be able to compromise on the parenting schedule, but in the end neither of us could find middle ground. xW wants what she wants, and I can't allow her to cripple my ability to parent our S's. I told them I am not less competent to raise my S's than xW is.
The sad thing is that the mediator could see that the reason for xW filing this lawsuit had less to do with parenting schedules or for improving the "structure" that S8 needs but more to do with the differences each parent has in coming to agreement for the children's sake. Thus it's a process issue rather than a real schedule dispute. So the mediator tried to coax her into thinking more along the lines of preserving the current schedule and try to come up with other ways we could arbitrate any dispute between us when they occur. She said a judge might very require a parenting coordinator.
In the end, especially when it came to light that xW is also seeking full legal custody as well as "primary" physical custody, it was apparent that xW is really seeking full control over S8 and S4's lives. She wants to have the courts bless her ability to make all the decisions for our S's without any "interference" from me (not that she'll get it however.)
So the mediator then asked me if there was any space I could give. I had already told her that we are already doing the best we can with the current schedule and that I was making do with only having half the time with our S's. Any less and I don't think I can be an effective parent. So she knew that I really could not accept being a father just every other weekend -- and even with having some of the twelve track-out weeks during the year, that would mean I would still miss out on so much of their lives. She knew I had no real room to wriggle, but she posed the question anyway. In the end I had to say no.
So we're still scheduled for a temporary custody hearing on August 14. This is going to be very costly and will destroy every last measure of good will we might have been able to muster, even for our S's sake. I am mourning for S8 and S4 now; they're the real victims here.
...
Oh, another thing -- xW and I exchanged a few words as we walked back to the parking decks outside the courthouse. She is still blaming me for the failure of our marriage and what this is doing to our S's. She continues to deny and deny again that she was ever involved romantically with her adulterous boyfriend during our marriage. She knows I have the evidence and yet she still tries to act like she's totally innocent and that I am insane for suggesting otherwise. "Gaslighting" me, as usual.
But we all know that is just par for this WAW. Sadly.
BTW, I also wanted to tell all my DB friends that I really appreciate each and every one of you for your support.
