Lamby, I can just tell by your responses that this is going to work out good for you...yours is not a lost cause in the least.
And good point about not asking him about counseling until you've done a little more self research and gotten an understanding of your own side of things first. That will help a lot. Whatever you can do to keep yourself from freaking out on him about it, will be good! Study and learn, study and learn. Do it like you are earning your masters degree in sexuality (which you will feel like that at the end of this process, believe me!)
You said: "I am excited and very nervous that the "problem" lies with me."
Just to be clear, the problem lies 50% in you, and 50% in him. Or rather, the problem lies 100% in the creation (relationship) you BOTH made, and not 100% in either one of you individually.
Make sense?
I just was pointing out that people usually come here thinking it is all their spouses fault. This is just normal human stuff, to feel victimized and not realize our own role in choosing these relationships.
My story is/was very sad...married young, it was an SSM for a hundred reasons, I had affairs, neither of us handled any of it correctly, ended up divorced without even trying counseling after 15 years (2 kids, now grown). And the thing is, and the reason why I am here is, I know now in retrospect that I could have stopped it from happening the way it did, and possibly even still be married. That's why its so awesome you are here. I was you when I was 2 years into my marriage, too. Had I had the good plan of seeking some help, somewhere, from someone...no matter how embarassing it may have been to ask for help or talk about these issues (it was very hard for me to talk about him not being that great of a lover...I would rather die than hurt his ego)...but instead, I did not do anything and what happened? Predators found me an easy target, and it all fell apart from there.
What a sad waste! We were just not communicating and now I realize that was the only true problem we had. Everything else could have been worked out!
So...pats on the back to you for probably saving your own marriage from hell. Awesome.
Re: the PE issue, yes of course, this is going to be part of it. He is insecure as a lover, of course, because he is inexperienced. He is the equivalent of some men who are aged 19 in the experience department. We'll get to that stuff. There will be lots of ways to improve this later when you've talked out some of the other stuff with him first. He will very likely get on board and also, he will be secretly so happy to have to be forced out of his innocence/adolescence/inexperience! No man wants to be a dud in bed and he probably fears he is one. With some time and reading by you, and then some great talks, he will finally have the chance to be forced into EXPERIENCE that will then lead him to be a better lover.
