No. I am real. I just have a real hard time not focusing on my W. I read the stuff that FaithfulH gave me and the stuff you all have posted more than once. I just can't get W off my mind.
Kevin
Yes you can Kevin. You simply won't. But I'm with Stuck. DO SEND THE EMAIL - (THAT WAS ACTUALLY MEANT FOR YOU), and if she doesn't respond within minutes, send another one and send a certified copy to her, and text her repeatedly AND phone her, until she gives you an answer. And when the answer is "NO!" see if she uses capital letters b/c if she doesn't, it might mean something...ask around... If it's "yes", then jump into bed with her and pretend none of this silliness happened. Assuming it is a "no"...well
If she writes in her own hand, worry about the way the letters are shaped and formed and see what that might mean. Maybe take it to a handwriting expert -but if he doesn't think it means what you want it to mean, ask as many people as you can, who don't know her or her handwriting, what THEY think it means...
(Also, plan nothing for the girls while you are obsessing about your w, and don't do any extra work at your temporary job b/c they might think you want a promotion or some sort of permanent work.)
If your girls are not smiling or if they exihibit any behavior that is not totally good, first assume it's your wife's fault, judge her harshly for it, and THEN TELL HER it's b/c she left you. But if they do something kind and loving, be bittersweet about it, not joyful or grateful. (Also take credit for it or say it shows God is on your side.) Remind your wife again that you have changed. Spend some more time wondering what your wife is thinking and ask other people who don't know her what they think she is thinking. Wonder about OM and what his w thinks and ask other people who don't know OM"s w, what she might think. Wonder if there are other OM's and if there might be W's to them...
Anything that interferes with your focus on W, should be ignored, (like ALL the advice here.) But keep telling other people on their threads, what we tell you to do on yours, so THEY can benefit from our advice to YOU, and you can overlook the hypocrisy, and insanity of your behavior.
Don't talk to a c, b/c they might not have "THE" answer for you, which is how to "get your wife back fast" (your words)... And spend a LOT of time feeling terrible and writhe in self loathing about your past mistakes but don't learn from them. Repeat them. Then worry about them some more.
As for the future, draw out a decision tree with all the possible negative outcomes, with the only possible good outcome being a full and immediate restoration of the M. Write them all down, no matter how remote a possibility or however unlikely, e.g., if you do or say "X" and then your w does or says "Y" what you will do or say next. Stare at it a lot. Think about detaching but come back to stare at it some more instead.
Ignore the positive side of prayer, but make sure to tell God you want your wife back in case he forgot AND make sure you ONLY ask Him for that. Nothing else matters to you and no other possibility for happiness exists for you so remind God of that too.
Also make sure you "plan" on attending AA meetings but find reasons not to go, b/c your wife might come back to you "fast" and then you won't have to go to any. Same for c. Same for Doctor appointments. Same for changing your life or GAL. Delay all actions but "think" about them so we know you are "thinking" about what we say.
Remind your wife at all times that you have changed Then tell her you still need her, how hard it is without her, that you cannot be happy without her, and want her and only her and that you will never get a life, so she knows how different you are now. And this way, she'll know you really care.
Make sure you show her the same behavior that made her want out of the marriage in the first place. Expect a different result from doing the same things, this time.
Overlook or ignore the ways this seems crazy b/c...well... "It's hard" to GAL or not obsess about someone...and it just "proves how much you love her if you cannot stop thinking about her" and it does NOT indicate weakness or clinginess or neediness...keep telling yourself that.
If her IM "happens to STILL be on your computer" and if you "happen to know your IM is on hers" (??), make sure you do NOTHING about that except stare at it often. Spend time wondering what it means if she is talking to someone other than you....Oh, and don't see anything needy or self absorbed about that behavior either.
And whenever you start to feel confident, or start to do something different in your life or grow in some way, repeat a mistake that will set you back. Otherwise, you won't be in your comfort zone of writhing discomfort. See no irony in that situation. Be one of two extremes, either hopeless, or see a reconciliation only days away, like this weekend...
If your wife takes pity on you or makes any type of polite or kind gesture in any form, immediately ask her to reconcile b/c an ounce of improvement in the situation must mean she is ready to remarry you right then and there. Remind her also of how much you miss her and then ask her why she won't hug you. Then tell her again how much you have changed.
Take all her unsolicited advice about your life choices, and tell her you are grateful for it. That's b/c You don't know how to buy clothes when they're too big, and you didn't notice you had lost weight b/c you don't have a mirror or a scale. Buy some more insurance if she thinks you should. (Especially life insurance with her as the beneficiary and then tell her you did this). Keep her informed about all the things you think she is missing out on or "not putting together" but don't look inside you. It's hard to do. There must be an easier way...
In sum, spend ALL your time on either finding the easier way...OR on things you cannot control.
Well that about wraps up todays helpful tips. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
That was really impressive. I mean I am totally impressed with that. Wow. I'm not being sarcastic either. I'm totally serious. That was good.
I also pray that the marriages on here are restored as well. I pray for more than just my marriage. But that is the biggest thing going on in my life right now like the rest of you.
Hmmm...
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
One thing you got way way wrong, in that post...fixing M aren't the biggest thing we have...we would all like our happy M back sure but I've got bigger things like being the best dad I can regardless of my W and M.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I know. But it was impressive none the less. Just the thought that went into that. I was impressed.
Me and W talked about Michael Jackson tonite. W is going to a murder mystery dinner theatre with a group of women she has never met. She told me that I know how she is when it comes to other women. W always says she gets along better with men than women.
Me and D7 are hanging tonite. I got her new shoes, then I made pizza and ice cream for us. It was good.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
The Hmmm was because it was really thought provoking. It made me think about how ridiculous I sound.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You were impressed at the thought that went into it yet you immediately launch into what you and W discussed tonight and what W's plans are. You have changed the name of the thread but not your attitude. What does K4D Rising mean to you? Is it just a cool name? What part of Getting a Life and Detaching do you not understand except ALL of it?
Kev I'm not sure I buy it anymore...I've followed u since the start and you've gotten more advice than anyone on this site and u still do what will get u more attention...your post before mine was about your about your W oh and btw your with your D...you can't be real or just crave attention more than anyone I've known.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
I'm not looking for attention. I post her what is going on in my sitch and what my feelings and thoughts are. I realize I have gotten a ton of great advice. I am going to a C. I am going to church. I'm trying to figure out which church I should make my church home. I pray a lot. I worry about a lot of things. I always have. Thats a problem of mine.
I have never been a big go out and meet people kind of person. I have always been more comfortable just hanging with my family. Its hard to get out and meet people and form good long lasting friendships. But it is something that I am trying to do. I spend time with my kids. I don't look forward to a future without my W no matter what is out there. But it is something that is in God's hands and not mine.
I don't know what else to say.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
