Newbie - first post and ?s

[Gardener]

I approached H regarding his behavior towards S. He said he "was not aware" that he was doing anything wrong. I told him any problems b/w us should not be taken out on S. Also indicated he was not spending time with S, working all the time.

Good for you!

"I completely feel like screaming at him GROW THE F@*k UP!

And yet you didn't. Good for you #2.

I am so ticked off tonight. I seriously don't know how anyone handles this and for an extended period of time.

One little period of time at a time. Like you did tonight GFY#3

It takes everything inside of me to stay calm and not lash out.

Like exercising a muscle. You will be a little stronger and it will be a little easier every time. GFY#4

Thank God I am getting away for the weekend because I am about at my limit.

Hooray for you!!
So am I!!
(W anniversary weekend; I'm gettin' outta Dodge and hiding out in the Adirondacks

[Faith2010]

Today appears to be a repeat of yesterday. I feel so much anger towards H. I am keeping it in check around him but it is hard as he!!.

When H left to pick up dinner, he says "Don't you have money for me? I saw your stash. Can't you give me $20 from that? Is that your down the road money?" I did not respond to him, but just walked away.

I have a small (very small) amount of money I had been keeping in a card in my nightstand drawer. I started putting a little away when all this began. Yesterday I was adding to it when H walked in the room. I put it away (in an envelope with a card, in a magazine under a pile of magazines in my drawer. I thought he saw it cause it looked like the money was moved and he just confirmed it today. Why is H looking through MY stuff? He's the one cheating and he checks on me? I am aware of the cash he has stashed away, quite a bit more than me that he gets from his 2nd job, under the table. I haven't said a word nor will I let on that I know about it.

H found out from S that my friend is driving with us tomorrow. H asked me if she was staying at my parents. I said no, I was not going there. After much persistence I told H I was going to my friend's house for the weekend. H said "oh, you lied to me." I said no, I did not. He said yes you did, you said you were going to my parents. I then repeated what I originally told him and he got that d@mn smirk on his face saying, "Oh, you just weren't going to tell me." and sauntered away. I said nothing, again.

Is this immature behavior normal? Honestly, how do you guys live with a MLC spouse?

Thank God tomorrow is Friday and I am out of here for the weekend. I need to gain a lot of peacefulness and patience while I am away.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yes, sadly, it's very normal. Not much you can do other than OCCASIONALLY call him on it, with something like a "God, quite being a whiny little b*tch. That's SO unattractive."

Guys hate that.

Puppy

[Gardener]

Hi Ash,

I was tempted to just let Puppy or someone else give you what would probably be far a better response than mine, but here I am.

You're still doing very well despite severe provoking/baiting. Keep it up. It's maddening, I'm sure...

Re-hide your small stash (if there's any left after your much-needed upcoming weekend). My guess is he's snooping on you to find out what the hell you're up to, what with your not taking his bait and responding inappropriately so he can smugly say to himself (or sputter to you), "See, it's this, this, unreasonable behavior of yours That's the problem here!"

You're doing fine and in his world and his projected playing-out scenario,
you're responding in unknown, unanticipated ways and, dammit, You're. Not. Supposed. To. Do. That.

So, what's up with you? What're you up to? It's puzzling. Snooping and prying might provide a clue....

Good for saying nothing. Don't nibble. But I suspect that your silence imaybe causing him to think "I may not be getting the rise and reaction I want, but I bet I'm still getting under her skin."

In addition to not responding, try an occasional response along the lines of a flat, noncommittal, (non-sarcastic) "Is that so?"

I forget...is booting his immature butt to the curb not an option?

'course, I could be completely wrong on all the above.

Wherever and whatever you're doing this weekend, enjoy. And breathe. Juuust breathe....

[Faith2010]

Puppy - you made me laugh! Thank you.

[Faith2010]

Gardener -

Re-hide your small stash (if there's any left after your much-needed upcoming weekend).

Already done! The stash is in case this all doesn't work out and we go our separate ways.

You're doing fine and in his world and his projected playing-out scenario,you're responding in unknown, unanticipated ways and, dammit, You're. Not. Supposed. To. Do. That.

I love it...lol

I forget...is booting his immature butt to the curb not an option?

When we originally talked, I told H I'd have to find a new place because I can't afford the house on my own. H thinks he can but actually, he can't. We agreed to stay under the same roof for three months to try to pay off some bills. I have decided my S and I are staying put. If H wants to separate so bad, H can hit the curb. It is tempting to tell him to get out but financially it will be a real strain for me.

As long as I am away from here, I think the weekend will be great. I am completely and utterly exhausted, emotionally and physically.

I hope your weekend goes well Gardener.

[The Wifey]

Re-hide your small stash (if there's any left after your much-needed upcoming weekend). My guess is he's snooping on you to find out what the hell you're up to, what with your not taking his bait and responding inappropriately so he can smugly say to himself (or sputter to you), "See, it's this, this, unreasonable behavior of yours That's the problem here!"

Don't re-hide it - take it with you. Get a safety deposit box if you have to.

[Faith2010]

Wifey-

My concern with the safety deposit box is if we end up in a D, don't I have to reveal the fact that I have a box to the Court? Or don't they have a way to find out about it?

[givingitmyall]

Hey Ash,

You are doing great. Keep it up. Just take his juvenile behavior as a sign that what you are doing is working. Just don't take the bait.

I am also headed out of town this weekend. S and I are going fishing, then I am meeting my in-laws (that should be fabulous!) on Sunday to drop S with them - he always stays with them a week or two during the summer.

W has been on a business trip yesterday and tonight - MINIMAL contact with her. I didn't even know when she was getting home today. When I didn't hear from her, just took the kids to dinner. Not gonna let her lack of common courtesy affect me, at least what I will show her.

Hang in there.

[ShockedOne]

He is checking up on you to try to find something on you. H wants a justification for doing what he is doing, so that you can be to blame just as much as he is. Then he can say he knew it all along and that is what caused his infidelity. Just my 2 cents.