My humble opinion is...that's what you hired lawyers for. Let them do that dirty work - money esp. It never ends well otherwise.
Whenever I brought up that kind of thing with Coach, he would tell me that he wouldn't discuss legal things with me. Period. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. But he was right.
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
SP - Did I read it correctly that you have not spoken to an attorney before now? Why not?
You really need to go and hire one, and decide exactly what you ARE going to ask her for in a settlement, so that there will be no more cat-n-mouse "how could you do that to me" re: spousal support or a settlement. At 6 months into this, I hope you are ready and prepared to do this finally, it has gone on too long and is contributing to the problem. You seem to be too happy to stall, right along with her. So please stop that tendancy and decide - with an attorney - what you ARE going to ask for.
I don't know if this is DBing but I think it is time to refrain from asking her what she thinks of you or why...duh.
AND, I think you should stick to only kid talk and specifics for a while.
I think this is a very good idea. I know you've handled it better than most, SP, but at some point, there's no sense in having her chip away at you and chip away at you . . .
Leave all the money talks from now on up to the lawyers. Until you go thru this you can't imagine the emotions the legal side triggers. It felt like someone going thru your closet, medicine cabinet, laundry, fridge, kitchen, bedroom, bank accounts, confessional and medical records. BTW did I mention you get to pay thru the nose for it?
SP, money talks will be a place that will be ripe for taking the bait. Boundaries will keep you from doing something you might wish you could get a mulligan on but can't.
You are going to be tested with this seperation and the legal stress. It will be draining on all your being. Use your help when you need it. You can handle it.
Strength and Honor Coach Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
@DQ -- didn't go to a lawyer because we'd agreed up front to mediate and the only real bone of contention -- setting aside our moral positions on divorcing and whatnot -- is the support thing. There's no controversy over child support and custody and etc. It's just alimony.
And we both believed we could struggle through that and reach some agreement. I think what's going to happen now is that we'll draw up agreements on everything we agree on and just let the L's handle the Benjamins -- so we'll medi-liti-gate. Which was something the Mojo Family Law Guy said yesterday (a) isn't uncommon and (b) is pretty efficient -- you wind up like a half-hour in court because the judge accepts all the pre-existing agreements and just renders a verdict on the sticking point.
@Coach -- you're right. The odd thing is that in the other window we're actually having a productive dialog right now, though not about the $$.
Is there mediation session set up? Have you chosen the liti-mediator? From my POV, she isn't going to stop being a whack case about that one thing until it is out there on the table and discussed. She is CLEARLY very agitated about the money issue and it would be best to stop shying around the issue for both of you.
I know you got other sad things on your plate, but trust me, the longer you don't sit down to discuss this, the worse her mind is going to be on it.
Sooner the better.
(and that still doesn't mean there isn't a possible 11th hour change of heart - as you know from Greek and Coach)
No, the session hasn't been set up yet. Right now we're just trying to get her out of the house. DESPERATELY trying to get her out of the house. Just got to get through that right now.
My humble opinion is...that's what you hired lawyers for. Let them do that dirty work - money esp. It never ends well otherwise.
Whenever I brought up that kind of thing with Coach, he would tell me that he wouldn't discuss legal things with me. Period. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. But he was right.
2nd that. Two of the best pieces of advice I got were:
1) Don't discuss the R as long as there's a third person involved; and
2) Don't discuss money/legal stuff -- let the atty's do that.
Which really left us NOTHING to talk about, which was fine by me back then! lol
The WAS doesn't think everything through. They just want out and hope for the best. And boy when we mess up their plans to make it all cut and dried- things start to fly.
I suggest a lot less contact for just a bit. It is sometimes interesting to let them stew.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
