he was back, i think

[mdoodles]

just got back from the game, so happy the sun is shining again in ny! its been weeks on end without sun...

thank you all for your support. i hear everything u are saying, i really do.

im doing the best i can, im starting to adjust to not texting him, emailing him, talking to him every morning or even throughout the day.

its an adjustment, its what im used to.

i so wanted to text him to say how nice citifield is, that we were having fun, but i didnt.

im trying here.

i realize everything he has done, i realize how i deserve better, i realize i shouldnt care about the psycho ow.

im not ready to proceed legally. and since im not fully ready, im not going to, because it would be a waste of my retainer.

i have everything in order, everything documented and protected, im in contact with my attorney.

but im not ready to make the leap.

maybe i will be soon, maybe all it will take is one more down day. i dont know.

other than that, im moving forward with my own life, trying to figure out where my son and i will live, trying to figure out how and where to enter the work force again.

i think this is made harder when i have been financially depended upon my husband for 10 years and a housewife for 6 years.

ive spent the last year trying to save our home from foreclosure and now i have to move.

ive had a year of attempting to put it all back on track - our marriage, our home, our way of life, and then -

husband came home and left again, our dream store happened and closed, our bank wouldnt let us modify our loan, we were forced into a short sale and i have to move.

its all very hard to process, im trying.

my therapist feels if u can have more hours that are positive in a day than negative, then u are doing ok.

so i must be on the right path.