Reconciliation after divorce

[saffie]

bonny,

I was in a similar sitch to you and I had a sort of MLC and wasn't sure I wanted my H anymore. Raising four children is very hard and suddenly I felt sort of surplus to requirements. I lost my joy for life whilst my H was looking forward to things we would be able to do together.

I started counselling, (cognitive behavioural therapy), and managed to turn my attitude around only to be told by my H that he had been having an A with one of his employees for the last 18 months.

My H never left but it was really touch and go for a week or so after he told me about the A- the OW had already left her H and her young children, (how could she do that to her kids???). Things got pretty nasty. However, my H has recommitted to the M and we have never looked back. We now make sure that we spend time together and always have something to look forward to.

I think perhaps you need to keep on working on yourself and become the person your H fell in love with again whilst you let his current R die a natural death. There is no point in trying to fight the R he is having whilst he is in the infatuation stage. Just keep those channels of communication open and pleasant. I was lucky that my H's A had already been going on for 18 months before he told me about it, so the first feelings of 'lust' had abated and he was beginning to see the faults in the OW.

I remember one thing my H remarked on about me was how, when things were not good between us, my face had stopped lighting up when he entered a room and how I had stopped smiling. Once that returned, the spark between us reingnited.

Keep the faith. You have a huge shared history together and a familiarity which is hard to give up forever.