i hear ya. Especially the REALITY part. From what I know, here in the Nutmeg State the Mediator represents whichever spouse contacted/contracted him/her which makes no sense to me (New Oxford American Dictionary:"From Late Latin, mediatus: 'placed in the middle'"). Besides, I simply refuse. She's gonna have to serve me with papers when it comes to that as my approach to final D step will be as Mahatma Gardener: "I wont resist, nor will I assist."
Very fortunately, my sitch has no OM, no animosity, no anger (I was initially a little pissed, though at the out-of-the-blue bomb .)
Just sadness, futility and an apparent reluctance on her part to really discuss R in depth. Withered and died of (resentful) neglect. You'd think a gardener would know better...
Big John, where's you're sitch? How's it going over at WAW Forum? I haven't spent much time there, lately...gotta check in.
Gardener,
I'm with you, I have told my W very clearly that I will not aid and abet in any effort by her to D. Everybody in her life that matters is telling her to give her H and kids a chance and drop the OM. She acknowledges that in her head, it is the right thing to do, but she just doesn't want to. So if we wind up going down the path to D, it's gonna be ALL on her. I've accepted 100% accountability for my 50% of the relationship issues and I'm diligently working on improving myself in those and other areas. If we go to D, she will have to accept 100% accountability for it along with all of the repercussions.
I've got similar neglected her needs issues with my W as well and can understand how that can deaden her feelings for me aside from the current EA. But with patience, time, hard work along with some other things those feelings can come back. But she has to have the courage and willingness to work with me and she doesn't right now.
The WAW forum is great, Sandi2 is the best and has given me some really good feedback. I haven't figured out how to create a link to my original post as "My Sitch". My first post is still available and contains a summary of my sitch if your interested.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
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