Joshua, I would want to know up front what she wants to "talk" about. I say that because I was led to the slaughter by my h when I agreed to meet him for lunch. It was just another rejection and I don't know why he bothered. Well, yes I do....my h loves to inflict pain.
To me, unless she wants to come home, I just wouldn't bother. You don't have kids and I would go with FightingFit's method. Don't allow your w to wean herself away from you. Stop letting her call the shots.
thank you kimmie, i do value your advice.
should i just text her asking what she wants to talk about?
and that's exactly what i didn't want, is for her to wean herself or to gradually just get over me. idk if that's what's happening or not.
how could i do this effectively, talking to her and such, without her "calling the shots?" maybe tell me a little bit more about FightingFit's Method?
well that didnt go well. i think she wanted to talk. missed her call when i was out mowing. she got pissed and told me to forget it. finally called her and everyone in her family is sick. her test results are supposed to come back today and she thinks she has cancer.
i tried to be be supportive and told her i will continue to pray for her.
she said this friend thing isn't working out, and i said i was happy that we were becoming friends again. before we talked on the phone i had said i couldn't really talk as i had an appointment at 3:30 and this was before i knew she was having a rotten day.
i know i'm not responsible for her problems, and i told her i do care about her family. she started to sob and said she doesn't want to cry around me so i let her go....
not what i was hoping for.... but it is what i expected. any ideas on a good next move?
i'm not gong to let her suck me into it. but her sister has bad diabetes, had part of her foot removed when we were still together and now supposedly has a bone infection. her grandpa has some breathing problem, and her cousin got into some type of accident. supposedly she talked to her mom and her mom said she had the same thing (cancer) on one of her ovaries so that's why she's thinking this is what it is.
i'm keeping my distance and will only listen to what she has to say. no advice, just a friend who listens and is there for her. she also txted and said i could call when i got done with my appt....
if i call, how should i approach? she thinks i don't care because i told her i was letting her go. i know what she's doing, trying to guilt trip me. but how should i get her to talk about what she is feeling. i feel like i don't have anything more to say to her, i said it all in the letter.
well, just got off the phone with W. had an amazing talk (by my standards). got her to open up about things that bothered her about me. the important things were things i'd already wrote her about, and i continued to validate her feelings about them.
right before her phone died, which i know it did because i sent a text right away to see if it would go through and it hasn't yet, she brought up she always thought i was cheating on her. i never did. my previous R i had been a "swinger" with my last gf, and it wasn't anything that appealed to me with W. however, my exgf took it upon herself at the beginning of our R to tell my W that i would cheat on her and that i'd never be faithful.
90% excuse, 10% genuine concern i felt as i had never given her any real reason to suspect me of doing so. i always let her view my phone records and i pretty much only went to work without her. so i didn't feel that was a valid complaint. that's also when her phone died.
i feel good about what we talked about. does her venting her frustrations help her past old crap? or will it make it worse for her? i validated every valid point she made and briefly explained how my current outlook is so much different then in the past.
she never got upset or angry during our talk. she sounded genuine when i talked to her. and she sounded like she was removing a huge weight from her shoulders telling me what she did.
