Well, so much for progress! I did not do so well last night. I sort of was just......zoned out.....or something.....
He said he definately has made up his mind that he wants this D right now. He wants me to really look over the papers and sign them. He said if I needed money bc I wanted my own attorney, he would give me money for that. He said he needs to feel like he is single and he wants to be with me of his own free will ............ not bc he is a good person and he SHOULD stay with me. He said he feels like I am NOT hearing him. He wants to try again, but after he has had time to get some things figured out about himself. He said there is definately something btw us and that he wants to try, but cannot right now. (he's on "empty" right now)....
Anyways, lets just say, I had a difficult time last night. I think he is throwing a tantrum and he wants his D right now! I did ask a lawyer what would happen if I do not sign anything and basically they said he could still go thru with it.....it may lengthen it 6 months while the courts try to find me...but, they have my address, so.....This is a no fault state and we have been living apart as it is.
A part of me wants to believe him. He said "If we are going to have a chance, you HAVE to let me go. Let me take care of myself. This is the best option where we both get what we want. You have said that the legal paper does not mean much to you. I need to get this D to "feel" that break from you."
I don't know. I'm really thinking of giving it to him. What's the point? He wants this done with as fast as possible.
Then as we are driving to the airport, he tells me he will come back to visit me in a couple of months?!!?? WHAT?
He said then maybe we can meet up someplace or something. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?????????? He kissed me goodbye on the lips and well......he was off. He seemed upset, I think.
He wants the D, but he is maintaining everything else??? He said he would like to send me some money to tide me over until I get my first couple of paychecks. I just got really mean and said "NO". Its easier for him that way! He is trying to make himself feel less guilty.
A part of me does believe that he needs an official BREAK from everything...but, what is the guarantee that he will try again and what, is this how we are going to handle problems, just leave each other "legally" and start over? A part of me is hanging on to some myth I'm sure, but am I not supposed to stay married.....not get married, then divorce with the understanding that we MAY get married again? WHAT? Is it just me or am I getting some very confusing signals. I looked over the settlement. There is nothing to really settle....we are both in apartments. He has his parents home (which I dont want) and he is paying all the debt we have. There are no other assets and I don't want alimony. I'm thinking of having an attorney look it over, sign it, and send it off.
You know he is stupid if he wants to D me after this weekend. We had a fabulous time (by his own admission). So maybe I really do just need to let him go...for real. and wait and see what happens.
