"he married someone who was more than he wanted. "
Donna,
You both married someone who was very different than what you really want in a mate. The marriage was never going to be one that met both your needs. It was a mismatch. Maybe it is time to countenance that XH was right -- divorce was the best thing. Of course, his path was not OK, but that does not mean that divorce was not ultimately the best thing for each of you.
As for your kids, you and XH are both strong presences in their lives. They have not been abandoned. They will be OK, and the more whole their parents are, the more OK they will be.
Glad to hear you have given up, the fight at this point amounts to nothing other than self-flagellation.
Now that you've found some anger, express it. Try any art like that?
