The adventure continues--the saga goes on

[AFWAW]

I understand. I'm a bit of a waffler myself, buddy.

No disrespect. Just let us know how we can help.

Puppy

Puppy,
No disrespect taken. I just wish I could be confident about what I want to do. I HATE being in limbo and wish my wife would wake up and smell the coffee. I wish I knew the right questions to ask and the right things to say. I thought I was emotionally detached but I guess until all contact is terminated there will always be some there. Still hard to believe all that has transpired.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You're still in denial. You need to be WAY past that stage by now. Your family needs you to do the right thing here, and very soon.

As Smiley's old c.o. used to say, "Hope isn't a plan."

Puppy

[AFWAW]

John,
Everyone struggles...that is why you come here for advise and to bounce your thoughts off of others who have been where you are at...otherwise you will continue to make the same mistakes.

Have you identified the OM? Is you wife still saying she made it up? If so, do you believe her? Why?

Lawyer? Do not discuss this with your W. Bills beign paid and hopefully ahead a few months with some savings? Those kind of things...

Take care

I think I have identified but as you know I want to be sure he is the right one as you know how damaging that could be if one was falsely accused. The wife is still paying the bills and still providing child support. She seems to constantly waffle about her intentions. Last week she seemed inclined to work things out and this week she's making excuses to justify her actions which leads me to believe that she is leaning the other way now. I've been loosely following Gucci's advice which I still read and review weekly about mirroring her actions-i.e. backing off equal distance when she backs off. I do find myself becoming over anxious when she makes moves towards me and I'm sure she can sense it. It is difficult for me to not wear my emotions on my sleeve still.

[LG nm12]

The Granny Clampett in me comes out when I read your sitch. I want to chase that varmit off with my shotgun.

Can't you just get mad and get tough, John, drawing strength from the vision of a better day (possibly with that "mythical, magical" 27-year-old hottie that is NOT so mythical OR magical?) Doesn't the idea of a new beginning excite you in some ways?

Lucky

[AFWAW]

The Granny Clampett in me comes out when I read your sitch. I want to chase that varmit off with my shotgun.

Can't you just get mad and get tough, John, drawing strength from the vision of a better day (possibly with that "mythical, magical" 27-year-old hottie that is NOT so mythical OR magical?) Doesn't the idea of a new beginning excite you in some ways?

Lucky

Lucky,
Somedays I can but most days I want to save my marriage. Is that wrong? Regardless of what has transpired I still love my wife. We'll have to see how much longer I can hold out. And yes, I'm very interested in starting something up w/ this 27 year old but it would be unfair to her to do so if I have not resolved my relationship with my wife, right?

[LG nm12]

Of course you shouldn't start up something until you've resolved your R with your W. I was just hoping to give you a little incentive to wrap it up already!

No one wants to take your love for your W away. You have to love YOU first, though, and my opinion is that your actions have demonstrated that you do not love yourself. You attach your every emotion to whatever SHE decides to do. You have relinquished all of your power and she knows it (despite your efforts to detach, you clearly haven't,) and that is exactly why she doesn't want you.

Love yourself. Put yourself first and your daughter first-and-a-half. It's the only way anything is going to make sense to her (and to us.)

She would respect you much more if you got a bit of Granny Clampett in ya. Now GIT!

[cue Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive"]

I would bet that as soon as you respect yourself, call her on her BS, and kick her to the gutter, she will try to come scurrying back to you for the scolding that she knows she deserves.

Instead, you have put her on a pedestal. She is bored to tears up there and wants to be put in her place like the naughty girl that she is.

My intuition, for what it's worth.

Lucky

[gucci loafer]

And yes, I'm very interested in starting something up w/ this 27 year old but it would be unfair to her to do so if I have not resolved my relationship with my wife, right?

Wrong. Completely wrong...

The best way to get over someone is to find someone else.

I always find it fascinating how self righteous a BS becomes when they have a WS.


You have a good looking 27 year old interested in you and you choose to stay in the whoa, poor me, I can't decide what to do with my wife mode.



Your answer all along has been the same. Let your WS think, feel and believe you have moved on. It will be the only thing that will get her to wonder if she ahs screwed up and it is too late, AND you will FINALLY understand what the Gooch has been telling you . It isn't going to happen UNTIL YOU more or less let her think you are kicking her to the curb and moving on down the road.. WITHOUT HER....

IF you really really want her back, then you have to really really let her GO.

[AFWAW]

Gucci!!!,
I didn't think you were checking up on me. I do intend to pursue this woman when I return from my TDY. Something you said before about not pursuing a woman, wasting my time, who doesn't want to be pursued(my wife)keeps sticking in my mind. This younger woman obviously wants to be pursued.

I also intend to see another lawyer as I want to know how much my wife is going to be on the hook for regarding CS.

Thanks for checking up on me.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Man, a cameo appearance by The Goochmeister! You should feel HONORED, John!!!

[AFWAW]

Man, a cameo appearance by The Goochmeister! You should feel HONORED, John!!!

I do, I do. I think I told him before he should write a book. I have his previous posts printed out and still refer to them often.