d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

Last night my H dropped off our D4 @ 6pm. He had to go to look at buying a truck. (Funny our divorce paperwork says neither party is supposed to buy anything over $500.00 until divorce final) I never said a word, except good luck.

He hung out for 1/2 hour. I noticed him staring at our family picture I've had out for 3 years. He wouldn't talk but I'm used to that. When he goes to leave he hands me $20.00 to take D4 to our little town park. Every wednesday night there is baseball, volleyball, and horseshoes, and the fire department cooks. I thanked him for the money.

He's standing by the door and I walked up to him to say bye. He gives me the biggest hug and rubs my back. D4 came running up and said hug all of us daddy. He did, my heart sank.

Then he tells me that it's so hot upstairs at his parents house that he's not sleeping well. Our house has central air conditioning. He asks, when he was done - doing whatever he was going to do besides buy the truck - could he maybe text me and come over and spend the night in the air conditioning.

I didn't know really what to say. My anger in the situation wanted to say no, but my heart wanted to say yes. I just told him if you are uncomfortable text me and we'll go from there.

I'm kind of glad he never texted me last night because then I didn't have to worry about how I was going to answer his text (of course I slept with my phone)

H is so confused (I am too) this is our last "married" weekend coming up. I'm really afraid that he'll want to stay the weekend at our house with our d4. On "his" weekends they are supposed to spend weekend where he lives (by parents). His weekend w/D4, he usually wants to stay at our house. (of course, I'm there to watch D4 and he can nap or whatever) but funny when it's my weekend with our D4 he is no where to be found !!

People tell me he's just nuts, get rid of him since he wants to divorce you. But I know in my heart that he's going thru alot of stuff. Old feelings, new feelings, he's confused.

I feel bad but come Monday if d - is final, there will be no hanging out, no praying at night with us, no tucking in D4 and sitting and watching TV. I just can't do it anymore after that day. My emotions are so rocky right now. I don't want him to see me cry. I try to always act "happy" with him. He knows I love him no matter what, but that's not enough for him right now.

Boy am I depressed. --- deep breath, move on