Brand New w/ an Initiation Problem

[The Wifey]

lamby,

Has your H ever had his testosterone level checked? It is fairly common to have low levels and that can influence lobido or lack thereof.

There are differences in sex drives. This may just be him. Can you accept the difference or does it magnify in your mind? What we focus on can often become a problem.

Are the other parts of your relationship healthy? Could there be things he isn't happy about that are manifesting in your sex life? Is he otherwise happy? Does he open up about his feelings to you?

The one thing I would worry about is that a man takes his sexuality as very important. While you felt so bad about this and verbalized it, it could have an opposite effect from what you wanted it to. You have verbalized dissatisfaction. (Perfectly valid feelings, by the way.) He now may feel tense or worried about it. He might be feeling pressured to initiate and then balking at it.

I am going to recommend a book to you. It isn't one that I've seen anyone else talk about. Its called, "Kicked, Bitten, and Scratched: Life and Lessons at the World's Premier School for Exotic Animal Trainers"

You might be thinking I'm out of my mind - and many people would probably agree : ) - but this would be a good book for you. It talks about training animals, wild animals. It focuses on positive reinforcement of behavior you want to see and ignoring the behaviors you don't want.

Perhaps now that you have verbalized your frustration, positive reinforcement of any positives at all, and reassurance of how much you love him right now, despite this, would go a long way toward a solution.