I am speaking from my own experience here but I feel that the WAS becomes filled with rage when the LBS shows a caring, compassionate and understanding side (as you have been doing) but still takes care of themselves on the legal side.
My H was floored (and angry as hell) that I counter sued him for his affair along with several other counts of cruel and inhumane treatment. But that is how it goes. It wasnt revenge, it wasnt anger it was the legal option that was available to me so I took advantage of it. I didnt do so in some big dramatic way. I quietly filed my paperwork and went about my business.
I feel the WAS thinks becuase you arent sobbing and begging and pleading and appear to be "ok" they feel the legal portion will be smooth. That is not to say it cant be smooth but smooth does not mean you will roll over and not use all legal avenues available to you based on the laws of your state and the situation at hand.
My H and I tried to do a collaborative law divorce and it got us nowhere fast. I refused to use one attny because in my state one attny can only represent one person in the divorce and my H wasnted the representation which would have required me to waive my rights to counsel. LOL! Um, no. The only way I would have agreed to that was if HE waived HIS rights to counsel and he said no, he would not do that. Well, I wont either.
The rush of a new house, new R, new freedom and so on for a WAS ends real quick when they see that yes, the LBS might be approaching the D with grace but they certainly wont be plowed down as far as a settlement goes.
I made it perfectly clear to my H I had no intentions of working w/him on a settlement if that meant him swearing, making excuses, using cliches and other WAS BS or being ugly. And that is the exact reason I have my attny working for me. I am all for productive discussion with a WAS when it comes settlement time but I will not be a punching bag for a series of very poor choices my H made in handling the D.
