I think my H might be suffering from MLC and/or job stress. Told me he wants D, saw a L, has the papers, not signed. Since he has told me about his wish to divorce, his personality has changed so much where he goes from saying he wants to go to a C to work on things, to saying one day he wants to move out, to the other where he wants to stay. He says staying home and being around me is confusing him as well as the s**. I have been trying to act indifferent, be upbeat, etc. But is it getting more difficult for me to the point where I think I might come unglued. He has lost interest in doing things for the house (it is leaking water from various sources and needs help), he doesn't really take care of the dogs anymore (what he said I never did, but that's not true). He confuses me by saying before during and after counseling (we have been twice)that he thinks we can work on things, still loves me, but then afterwards, or days later, he will say that we need so much work with counselling that it would take years and he doesn't know if it's worth it. He told his parents that he would put off filing until we went to some counseling, but I don't know how long he will wait. I am trying to DB, etc., and trying some of the LRT, but it is SO hard, since I feel like sometimes I and the situation are in a tail spin. With his work and travel schedule as well as his current pattern of only coming home to change clothes, check emails (work) and use the bathroom, he is hardly home. He recently (w/in last 2 months) has been hanging around with our neighbor that is single and has single friends, etc and going out with such frequency(and then telling me I need to find somone), that I have to actually set up time with him to do things. Right now the only thing we do together is golf. Any discussion around our situation is usually very negative or he doesn't want to talk about it. I pay the bills, and always have, so he doesn't even know our financial situation. His Grandparents are having a 70 wedding anniv. party in Seattle, and I have been planning to go since last year. Now he doesn't want me to go, but tells/asks his parents if it would be ok if I went. It hurts so much when his behavior turns so negative. Then it seems on weekends, or when he hasn't been drinking or whatever else, he seems reasonable. When he comes back form talking to or hanging around his single friends (he does not talk to our couple friends, or his parents or has any married frineds) he seems to act and say the complete opposite. This is only half of what has been going on. I feel helpless, sad and have frequent anxiety attacks. In between I can be ok, but this is starting to affect me even more severely where I am afraid it will impact my job and health (I have lost over 20 lbs in 2 mos.). Any words of advice or encouragment? I would really appreciate it!!
M-45 H-46 no kids, 2 cats, 2 dogs M-19yr bomb-May 9, 2009 H has paperwork, but has not yet filed in C, IC and MC MLC?
seems like a major case of MLC. It will require load of patience from your part as he is having huge mood swings, i wonder if he's depressed? he goes back and forth so much he might need some antidepressant. Is he going to a IC? if not he needs it, if he's willing suggest this to him. You should also go as it is hard to live in that turmoil, I highly recommend you go, you will also learn there to deal with him, specially if he is depressed, there are things people say to depressed people that actually make things worse.
For the time being dont' get hanged up on every word he says, take ANYthing he says with a grain of salt and know that he is a very confused person right now, not like himself.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat, Thanks for the pep talk. In a way I am glad he is confused, since I see that as a sign of hope. We both really need IC, I just worry that the more he travels, etc., the more difficult it is to schedule time and maintain his interest in doing counseling. His friends certainly do not seem to help, since all they do is go out and drink. And drinking/substance use has been a growing issue for him. I think I will try and schedule something at least for myself today.. Thanks again!
M-45 H-46 no kids, 2 cats, 2 dogs M-19yr bomb-May 9, 2009 H has paperwork, but has not yet filed in C, IC and MC MLC?
I am worn out after this weekend. I get sick and feel weak every time I think about this. I got a call from our neighbor/single friend up the street from us. He was having some folks over and then they were going to watch some fireworks, and invited both of us. The H was coming home from a golf tournament,so when he called I told him about it, and he seemed ok with me going with. Then I found out he totally flipped out and called our neighbor, and stopped by his house (which is why he was so late in coming home). Come to find out, all these times he has been hanging out with this group of single friends, there has been these one or two cetain women that are also always there. So when I was there (I walked over from our house in the rain), these two woemn were courdial, but I could certianly tell that I had chnaged the dynamics of this group. However my H acted like I wasn't there, flirting, fawning and basically ignoring me. They in turn were makign snide comments , talking to each other, but making sure I could over hear them, about driving a car acrosss the lawn/wet grass, etc ( I had posted earlier that I had did that when the H was out at yet another party with out me..I know toally stupid.) They were pretty catty and of course, the H said nothing. My H says there's nothing going on, but I still got these wierd vibes while I was there. I know I shouldn't read too much into anythign right now, but I feel like over these past several months, I have been paying for all of my sins with what my H has been putting me through. One of the women gave him her phone number so they could go for 'a walk'...I guess she 'counsels' the others in the group on stuff like this. She is also the pres. or something like that for the Lake County Parent w/out partners..or somethign like that. So is she going to encourage my H to file or move out? What kind of advice(no less neutral) could this person possibly share, when she behaves like an inconsiderate jerk? My H said he might call her becuase he wants to talk to somone. Why can't he talk to his parents, brothers, or a counselor?? We spent time together on Sunday, and it was great - but everything has been so up and down, that I dread the time when he gets wierd again, or goes out once more with those individuals. I have lost so much weight, that I have to wear slacks that have belt loops, just so I can keep them up! I talked to a DB coach(Leni?) this weekend, and she gave me some things to work on - such as a solution journal. At least I can work on these things to keep me busy up to a point. I just hope I can keep myself together through this. I feel like crap everyday. Thanks for reading/listening...marsh
M-45 H-46 no kids, 2 cats, 2 dogs M-19yr bomb-May 9, 2009 H has paperwork, but has not yet filed in C, IC and MC MLC?
