This is an area where I am focusing a lot of energy. I am a very spiritual guy, I am a Catholic 100% in line with Rome. In fact, until all this started with my wife, I was in formation to become a Deacon. During this time, I have struggled with my relationship with God. I truly felt he was calling me to the ministry of Deacon, then this all started happening. It rocked me at first. But I came to understand that we are not in control as much as we would like to be. So, I tried to put thee whole thing in His hands. Thats where I am having problems. I have been seeing a spiritual director for a number of years as part of my formation. I am working with her now trying to understand what it is God wants of me now. I am trying very hard to submit to His will, but I am resisting if His will is that my wife and I are to split up. For all the abandonment I feel from Him, I do ask for strength daily anyway, and so far I have not collapsed or given in to the stress and depression. Even Jesus himself felt abandoned on the cross. "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?". If He felt that way, then it's ok for me to have those feelings. I continue to pray for our marriage and the strength to endure this, but I know deep in my heart that no matter what happens, He will take care of me.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Tonight, my wife is going on a boat ride around Manhattan with people involved in this movie production that her old boyfriend that I mentioned started. There is a concert being performed on the boat. The band is managed by another of my wife's friends. The movie crew is there because they are considering using the band in the movie. I still have not confronted my wife about the text messages. I held my tongue last night, because every time I thought about bringing it up, I could feel my anger rise very quickly, and I was afraid to open my mouth. She is leaving straight from work, so I won't see her before she goes. My question is this, should I say something on the phone to her before she leaves? I don't know if talking on the phone is a bad substitute to being there in person, but I am consumed by this today, I feel like I am going to burst. I want to ask her several things: Does she want this marriage to work or not, Is she involved with this guy, Why so many texts, Has she been physically involved with him, What the ____ does she really want anyway? And tell her that I am not comfortable with her going at all. I don't know how much that last one will matter anyway; she says she doesn't love me, so why would she care how I feel about her going? I know I probably should have said something to her last night, but I didn't. So now what? Wait until tomorrow when I see her again? I am upset and confused and still trying to do what's right, I don't want to make a wrong decision here. Finally, should I wait and see how her therapy goes? I feel like it's a race against time now, considering there is someone else involved. I could have waited for a long time if she needed time to get better, but now that there is someone else involved, I feel like I have to do something now. Thank you for reading this post.
Last edited by Orich; 06/25/0911:39 AM.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
0 - IMO I think it's time to lay down your boundaries. Next time you both are alone I would say what you just said. I would ask what's going on? Which she will most likely say something from the WAS script "he's just a friend, Im just not happy, etc..) Then say regardless you need to know where she is at. So you can figure out what you need to do. You will quickly see where she stands. Let her know that you are NOT interested in being in an open marriage and if she does want to pursue this R w OM then she can move out. You will NOT set this type of example for your kids. People on here always say that it is bad for the spouse to move out, BUT it's worth to be disrespected if an OP is involved.
Yeah, I agree. There is a part of me that wants to do it now, before she goes. Probably feel its safer over the phone, I don't have to look her in the eyes. Either way, should I at least tell her I am uncomfortable with her going out tonight?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I think anything you said right now would come off too emotional and defensive. Give it at least 24hrs.
I would let her know that you would like a time when you can sit down and talk. Let her wonder what is going on. Take the time to figure out your boundaries.
Just be nice and tell her to have a good time. Dont give her any more excuses.
Even Jesus himself felt abandoned on the cross. "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?". If He felt that way, then it's ok for me to have those feelings. I continue to pray for our marriage and the strength to endure this, but I know deep in my heart that no matter what happens, He will take care of me.
Yes, He will. He was also terrified the night before He was crucified, remember? In the garden, He pleaded with His Father, "if it were possible, let this cup pass from me."
That's the whole point of God becoming man. So that He knows what we're going thru.
Thanks, PDT, for reminding me. Funny how something like this is so traumatic, that it messes with your brain. I was always clear on what I believe and what I feel, and what I know to be true. I thought I was clear on what kind of person I am. I am not liking the person I am becoming. If I ran into myself right now, I would most likely smack me, tell me to get on the ball and call my wife right now and tell her how I feel about this thing tonight, and be ready for bad news, then get over it.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Aaaaaarrgghhh!!!! I've picked up and put down the phone 5 times... What should I do??!!!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I would not do this over the phone. Unless I was just going to say, that after this big thing tonight we need to seriously talk very soon. I would not get into the specifics over the phone.
It's been my experience that people who start posts with "Aaaaaarrgghhh!!!!" and four exclamation points should PROBABLY do absolutely nothing at the moment.
