Okay, thanks for clearing that up. I don't think the issue at this point is about "him". I don't think you should be wondering how you should treat him. I believe you should work hard to not think about him at all. Don't be concerned about "his" feelings and how he should be treated or if he's truly happy. This needs to be about "you", can you see that?

As far as the things in your past, I read something in a book this morning that made me think of you. This was written from a doctor which said that everybody is touched by the events of their past (either by another person or a particular situation), but it is up to the indiviudal to go forward and make their decisions in life....not based on what has happened in the past....but on what they can do for themselves to have a better future. I don't have the book in front of me, so that is not a quote, but close.

I believe that is what all of us have tried to tell you. As your stitch has progressed, we have been able to tell that your clinginess to your XH is far from healthy and his mistreatment of you (no matter what his reasons) should not be tolerated. So, basically, as I see it.....you are receiving the same advice, just in different wording.

Some may speak in a more gentle way and some may get very rough in their posts, but I think it is their attempt in trying to make you wake up and see reality. That is all any of us on the board can do, but the decision to change your life is completely up to you. I strongly suggest, again, that you not listen to people who are family & friends but that you get your survival information from the DB board. Family & friends are too close to the stitch and "personalities" tend to get involved.


If you ever truly reach the point that you have "dropped the rope", then you won't stay focused on your XH. You won't be fretting over these "details" of life where he is concerned. You will have peach and feel free as a bird. When (and only when) you are able to reach that level, then (and only then) will you be able to hear about him and your emotions not react and you will not feel anything one way or the other toward him. You can truly said, unemotionally, that you wish him well.....and that is as far as you take it b/c frankly, that is as far as your feelings for him will go. That is probably hard for you to imagine at this point & time, but it does happen, Renee, and it can happen if you will put forth the hard effort to get there.


Anyway, I feel that I'm saying the same thing, so I'll stop for now.

Hope you have a good day,
Sandi






It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!