New Post for Wifey

[The Wifey]

Yesterday was my H's 43rd birthday. I bought him a pair of binoculars. I spent quite a bit of time researching what to look for in a quality pair. He'd mentioned he would like to get a pair that was compact to go in his bag on his motorcycle when we'd been in the state park a few weeks ago.

He really, really liked them! I got a nice hug, a kiss and he smiled from ear to ear. Worth every penny, for sure.

Father's day had a sour note. My 20 year old came and got his father a card. Unfortunately he picked out a card that was immature and just plain mean. Basically it was a dog on the front that said he worked hard to make him something for father's day. Inside it said, "It's in the yard."

Now, they have had their issues over many years, and certainly the separation has not helped, but his father has been paying his rent and utilities every month for him to attend college. It did take him a long time to finally reach out to Cody - of late he's invited him to do lunch or dinner, maybe a movie.

Cody has made no effort and refused all invites. Yes it took a long time for his Dad to pull his head out of his - well you know - but come on! This was just plain immature.

I let him know it was unnecessary and hurtful the next day. I let him know that if his intention was to hurt his Dad that he had done that. But, I added that he is a part of a family. Maybe not a perfect one, but a family none the less. He not only hurt his Dad, he hurt me, he hurt his grandmother and his grandfather.

That evening (day after Father's Day) I met my H for dinner. We ate and then talked about Cody and the card for about two and a half hours. This was destructive to any relationship they may have for a long time. Obviously, Cody has his feelings to deal with and many of them are valid, but if you could have seen the my H. He was pretty hurt, disappointed and quite certain he never wants another Father's Day in his life.

I told my H that I understand much of Cody's feelings, but that he dealt with them in an immature way. Instead of working toward a relationship he'd shut a door. As my H said, S basically gave him Dog Sh*t for Father's Day. The day he turns 21 a stark reality will hit him, because his Dad will no longer pay for rent, utilites, etc.

Yes, I know a father is more than a checkbook, Cody's main complaint. He wanted to know his Father, be able to talk to him, not feel judged and like he doesn't measure up. My H was very strict and stern with him as a child. C choice was inexcusable.

Later I had an email from my H that said for the first time in a long time he felt we were on the same page about our son.

I don't know where it goes from here. I can't get between them. I have tried to encourage both of them to make an effort for a year now.

One good thing is my H specifically said this is between his son and he, and will not affect us or what we are trying to rebuild. Certainly it is a complication, and has me very worried.