Prematurely called divorce busted, worse now

[Orich]

This is an area where I am focusing a lot of energy. I am a very spiritual guy, I am a Catholic 100% in line with Rome. In fact, until all this started with my wife, I was in formation to become a Deacon.
During this time, I have struggled with my relationship with God. I truly felt he was calling me to the ministry of Deacon, then this all started happening. It rocked me at first. But I came to understand that we are not in control as much as we would like to be. So, I tried to put thee whole thing in His hands. Thats where I am having problems. I have been seeing a spiritual director for a number of years as part of my formation. I am working with her now trying to understand what it is God wants of me now. I am trying very hard to submit to His will, but I am resisting if His will is that my wife and I are to split up. For all the abandonment I feel from Him, I do ask for strength daily anyway, and so far I have not collapsed or given in to the stress and depression.
Even Jesus himself felt abandoned on the cross. "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?". If He felt that way, then it's ok for me to have those feelings.
I continue to pray for our marriage and the strength to endure this, but I know deep in my heart that no matter what happens, He will take care of me.