It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, 25, for taking the time to share your wisdom with me. I know that you are right on about my needing to really let go, and I really want to! I just don't know how! I mean I know how to "fake it", but I don't seem to get any closer to "making it". I used my whole C session today talking about this. He said that this back and forth thing is normal and I am too hard on myself, but I get so frustrated! I know what I need to do both mentally and physically to let go, but the feelings. Just when I think I am finally making progress, I fall on my a**!!!

Since you are a lawyer, I also want to clarify my sitch......

1. My H and I are having to do bankruptcy and seperation. Because of the current dismal market, neither of our homes have "equity". So there is no "buying me out". H gets both houses because he can afford them with his salary. I can't afford the payments on the house I live in because we did a 15 year mortgage 4 years ago(partially to help finance the dream property purchase). I can't refi because I can't qualify on my salary.

2. If we do the seperation first to get me the "maintenance" to afford the house, assuming I could even get that much in the first place because ours is a community property no fault state, and I have a good job......but I also have $900 taken out of my paycheck monthly to pay a loan on my retirement account which we took out for.....you guessed it, the "dream house". That loan is of course not "dischargable" in the bankruptcy. There is also an issue in that the "maintenance" and/or "my part of H's military retirement" would put me over the income requirement to qualify for a Chapter 7.

3. Our bankruptcy lawyer will only work with us if we work together because this is so complex. He is the best in the state and has even helped write several of the current state laws for bankruptcy. He says that we can do a Chapter 7 for me, and THEN do the seperation and get "maintenance", and THEN H can do his Chapter 13 (since maintenance is also "not dischargeable" in bankruptcy). L says that we can put things like H's truck and some other things that are "paid for" in my name for my Chapter 7 since I can "protect" them with my wild card exemption. But the houses, and cars, which are upside down (i.e. owe more than worth, so H won't need the homestead exemption at all!). So, the L says it's just a matter of numbers and where they are allowed for (i.e. I stay in my house, H keeps driving his truck and I drive my car......) BUT......

4. This "deal" requires that I do my Chapter 7 first which entails me giving up my "rights" to house, car..... H says that I will come out rosy with all this because he will be making the payments on the houses and cars within his bankruptcy so I will get to live here "rent free" for the 5 years of his Ch 13. Then he will "sign it back over to me". In the meantime, I am absolved of all debt, and get to go on my merry way. Sounds great, right? EXCEPT, what happens if H remarries in that time? And worse yet, if he dies after remarrying and before his Ch 13 is done?? What then? Is wifey-poo going to allow me to keep the house? For that matter, can I really trust H to not "change his mind" after he's "paid for the house" all those years? BUT, the million dollar question my divorce L is questioning is how do we put this in "writing" (like you have said is so important) without putting me at risk for being charged with bankruptcy fraud!????!!! (i.e. I absolve myself of the debt with my Ch 7, only to get the house back later....) Of course, we have no desire to "bilk the system", only to come out of this as best we can. And as far as the actual money is concerned, it's no different to the lender because the mortgage on my house will be "re-affirmed" and paid for by H anyway, but will the court and/or trustee see it that way? My L is looking into this and has no idea how to protect me with this. So, I have potential for being sitting pretty.......unless......

5. Upon divorce, I loose my military benefits after one year because, although we have been married for 26+ years, only 18 of that was active duty. To keep my benefits, it needs to be 20 years of the marriage being active duty.


So, I have pretty much lost all my security at this point. I have a good lawyer and I do sincerely believe that H means to "do right by me"......it's just the other possibilities that scare me. And it boggles my mind that because we are in bankruptcy too, and live in a no fault state where spousal maintenance is not a "given", the whole landscape of the divorce changes! There is no "leveling of the playing field" for my divorce, because we are "bankrupt" and therefore have no net assets......but in fact we do!!!!

So, 25, you're a lawyer....... if you have any ideas for me, I'd love to hear 'em!! I am on the alt universe under "SChrldr".

((((((hugs))))))