so I felt pretty crummy after the last meeting with B and I didn't try to follow out or reach up. One of my close friends in NY said that she didn't even think that B knew I still wanted him, which made me TOTALLY confused and kind of demoralized feeling.
Then I had an illuminating conversation with a really good friend about what happened at B's bluegrass band concert. She pointed out that B probably decided to ask me individually instead of suggesting I bring friends or including me in a mass email for a reason... and that maybe he was looking forward to having "someone special" to talk to after the show, but felt really confused/awkward about splitting his time between me and the band. She also said she's been to a TON of bluegrass shows and you can always tell who the girlfriends are because they're the only women who come alone. And that probably everyone in the band assumed I was B's GF, because I came by myself. I hadn't thought about it that way at all. She also reminded me that after a performance it's always awkward trying to talk to everyone who came to see you no matter what, and I realized that this is true. So she pointed out some little tiny baby steps I hadn't even seen.
When I came back to ATL and went through all my magazines, I stumbled on his listing in the new yorker (that he had given me a heads-up about). I thought about calling him (because I was excited and proud) but I wasn't sure, so I did nothing.
THEN! He sent ME a follow-up email!!
Transformer,
It was nice to see you last week. I'm glad you were able to see my band play - it is a source of release for me and we seem to be finding our groove. I've always wanted to be in a band... And thanks for the scores [I gave him some quartet scores at the bluegrass show, since my friend who works at a music publishing office offered them to me for free b/c they were cleaning out]. I've already pitched it to my quartet and the XXXX ensemble and have had positive responses. So we'll see: if I end up performing it, I'll let you know!
As I read this speech [which he attached] this morning, I knew it would be something that you would resonate with. [famous musician who coaches his quartet] mentioned it in our coaching during the Juilliard quartet seminar. It is an awesome reminder of why we are doing what we are doing, and why we teach others about music as well... a very good speech...
I hope you enjoyed your time in nyc and good luck with your decisions in the fall. Keep me informed about your website - I can't wait to see it!
B--
At first I thought: this is such a cold and distant email tone. But then I realized--HE followed up. I did nothing and HE followed up. This also happened after the birthday breakfast--I did nothing and HE texted me to ask about my concert and send me luck. He's never done this before this past month.
It is *also interesting* that he went through the scores and actually asked his quartet (& another group he plays with) if they'd perform them. It was a totally casual gesture on my part--I don't even know the pieces, I just thought "oh, someone's getting rid of string quartet scores, maybe B would want them". It's like I unintentionally influenced his quartet, even though in the past I felt like I never could and maybe he couldn't either. But now I did it by accident? Basically I am surprised by the follow-through... like if I said, "hey b, check out this article on making ice cream" and then he told me he read it and is opening an ice cream business!
The speech he forwarded to me was super thoughtful, about the role of the musician in the world to put things back together inside that are broken. I cried reading it.
