Ok, I just read what you were going to give your h for his bday and I spit water all over my keyboard laughing.
Listen, I know that it is hard because everyone gives different advice. Believe me, I sometimes dont know which to follow. So, I always go with my gut. I do what feels right to me.
According to the db book, you should try something, monitor it and if it isnt working, try something else. So, it isnt one size fits all. You try it for a reasonable amount of time, and then analyze.
If going dark didnt give you whatever desired results you were looking for, dont do it.
I went dark for me. It was not healthy for me to have contact with him right now, so I dont. But it is different for everyone. What works for one person, might not work for another.
The main thing is this - dbing is really for you. It's a chance to see the things about you that you want to change, to find out what makes you happy, and to become the person you were meant to be. And sometimes it leads to saving your marriage.
This is hard stuff, really hard. All you could do is continue to move forward and follow your instincts. You are doing great!
