You know, in each of our Sitch's, there seems to be one key thing that our S's want, one key assumption that they have made in their planning and fantasies, that is key to their whole concept.
SP, in your case, the assumption your W made seems to be that she could cut and run quickly without long term financial ties to you. You should, instead, offer to let her go without compensation for your years of supporting her career.
In my sitch, my W made the assumption that when she demanded it, I would leave the house and her life while otherwise enabling her to live her life (her ability to live her in this house in this neighborhood with her friends and her kids with her 100%) completely intact. I should, instead, suffer all of the dislocation, separation from the kids, and financial difficulties.
In O-Dog's case, it seems to be the assumption that the C13 split would remain unaffected so that his W could also continue to afford to live in the house she was living in. O-Dog should, instead, eat the impact to him.
In other cases, the assumption seems to be that the LBS would always be around as a friend, etc.
At any rate, these assumptions always seem to be there, buried somewhere in the leaving spouses plan. And when the LBS sees those assumptions and (knowingly or not) refuses to play along. When the LBS stands up for themselves on this one point, and stands up and says "wait, I'm a person too and that's not what my side of the story says" all h@ll breaks lose.
This would seem to be the pressure point that breaks open the discussion and brings people to the decision point - stay or go.
SP, your W is now faced with the reality that even if she runs she will never be "free".
My W is now faced with the reality that by running she will (also) have to make lifestyle changes and sacrifices and admit openly to the world what is happening.
It's our job to stand up for ourselves, hold on to our N.U.T.S. and not back down in the face of the storm. Good Job SP!!!
But we can't control our spouses decision now. We have to show them that there is a cliff, and not voluntarily jump off it ourselves. It's their decision now whether they back away as well, or jump.
Good Luck SP. I think you did a great job there.
Thinker
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
