My comment was intended to mean that w/o sobriety there will be no M to work on. My concern was related to him continuing to be involved with AA. I want him to do what he needs to do in order to maintain his sobriety. I am not going anywhere, so time is all we have. It is H that doesn't want to waste anymore time apart. Right now we are seeing each other on the weekends.
I was not threatened by the sponsor, I can't speak for H, but I did know that H wanted to move back in with me and knew sponsor would not support it b/c of the one year rule.
I did not undermine the R, I supported it, H made the choices to not do everything the guy said after discussing it with his therapist and talking to several people in AA. I am only involved because H likes to talk about what he is learning from the meetings and talks with others. He talks on the phone in front of me so I hear everything going on =that is just the way he is.
In our M there were two issues, I didn't like how he treated me b/c of the drinking, and he didn't like living with my adult children. We agree on everything else, or at least have no problem compromising. He is willing to live with the children, but not necessary b/c one is moving out and the other goes away to college. So as long as he doesn't drink, we are fine but then that is a given.
I am not saying that H doesn't have other problems which is why he is in therapy. I will join in MC when the IC says that H is ready. Right now what comes up is the bad memories and we are talking through those sitches pretty well. There is a lot of appreciation going on both parts. I am encouraged by how happy he is and how much he enjoys life. He is developing empathy for others which is changing his responses to those close to us. He has the ability to understand things in ways he never had before. I call these things positive growth and change. Even a bad day is now a good day for him. The only negative feelings he is confronted with is remorse over past actions.
SO2 and V, Thanks for sharing. H wants to start attending meetings on the weekends where I live and find a sponsor there since this is where he will be living.
