Well, my H is leaving tomorrow morning. I did not bring up the R talk again - as you had suggested mnt_dreams. Yesterday we just ate and watched a movie and went to bed. I was out all day for work related events and was out the door at 6:30 am this morning. I got back around 11am and I asked if he wanted to go out for lunch. He said Yes...and that he really wanted to have some of the margaritas we had had a couple of nights ago.
So, we are at lunch and he says he needs to talk about some stuff with me, is that ok? I knew I was in for another roller coaster ride....but, said yes.
He said he got a call from his lawyer and she told him that I really needed to sign the settlement form and send in my financial disclosure form asap.
I didn't say anything for 5 whole min. I was not expecting that we were going to get back together...but, I cannot understand why we can't just put it off for a year or even 6 months and re-assess. If in a 6 day visit, he is thinking he wants to try again at some point, why not wait.....not communicate for the next few months and then.......meet up for another week and see what happens?????.
He said that he thinks it is a compromise.....us getting a D and then seeing how we feel about each other by April (yesterday it was to try again by July???????)
He said that when he was thinking about all this......he just wanted to buy a ticket to New Zealand and just dissappear. Become a missing person! He wasn't going to tell anyone.....but, he couldn't do that to me. He said I kept him here. (IS THIS A GOOD THING???? HOW OBLIGATED DOES HE FEEL TOWARDS ME AND WHY WILL IT BE BETTER IF I LET HIM GO????)
He said when he gave me the papers he expected me to start hitting him or throwing things at him or cursing at him and .........I didn't do that...and on top of it, he felt like I was understanding and caring. He said it really threw him off.
On top of that I did not ask anything from him....no support of any kind. After a few weeks, all I asked for is that he tries to give our R a chance.
He said........ he is on "empty" right now. He needs to take care of himself. He wants time where HE psychologically does not feel the need to take care of anyone but himself. He has had to be taking care of someone since he was 19 years old, maybe younger....(he supports both his mom/grandmom and younger disabled brother).
He said.....he is, after this visit, starting to think that most likely this D has nothing to do with me, but he needs this to psychologically break the cycle that he feels he has been enacting since he met me. Even if I do NOT think that all his actions have been for my benefit, HE thinks he has been.
He said he doesn't feel like he needs to worry about me anymore. He was afraid I would be not living properly, but I have surprised and impressed him. (I DON'T LIKE THIS STATEMENT BC IT GIVES HIM ANOTHER REASON TO NOT COME BACK TO ME)
He says I look very hot and if he wasn't so stressed and completely lacking a libido... WHATEVER. I'm not sure I believe that.
Also, he said he didn't want to involve friends...to just tell them we are working things out and are living separately for a year while we try to work things out. I haven't told anyone in my or his family - except my sis and her hubby and so.....that would be not a big deal.
He doesn't want to feel pressured by family and I am starting my career and he doesn't want me to have that stress either (I think he is trying to save his own butt!!) But, on the other hand, I will tell you that friends have been super caring......but, also,they have become very difficult to deal with bc they have expectations......and its hard to explain to people that this is a huge and very long process.
He brought up the fact that I am not wearing my wedding ring. I said, "well, you're not wearing yours"...he said, "he thought he had lost it". I said "I found it". He said "well, give it to me...I will take it" WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN??? HE WILL TAKE IT AND WEAR IT.......OR HE JUST WANTS IT.......OR HE WANTS ME TO WEAR MINE???? WHAT DOES HE MEAN??
So my choice is get a D or Get a D and wait it out another year. He said he needs me to let him go......I don't know if I will be able to take him back if I let him go. How do I trust this person again?
I don't know what to do?????????? Advice please...
