PMA, Sorry if I am hijacking this post, but you said pay attention to what they do, not what they say. My wife acts like there is nothing wrong. SHe still talks to me, even when its just us, no kids. She even is planning things for us to do as a family in the future (ball games, camping, etc.) SHould I take some comfort or even some hope from this?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Only half of what they do is the line that used, but as far as planning goes, is she talking about it or is she whipping out her credit card and putting down payments on hotels and buying from her own money some camping equipment for that big trip you are all going on.
My point is be cautious, do not question her intentions just watch and see what happens. Thats all.
Well it is late I know but I just got home from court. Spent some time with family afterwards. It really helped. Well it was ugly in there. The lawyers going at it and all. It was exactly what I had feared would happen. Wife did not look at me one time. Sad part was she had to get some things next to my sister (they are pretty good friends) and she did not even look or say anything to her either. I know she was reeling though. I guess the only good that came out of it is that I get to spend more time with the kids. The other positive I see is that we have 60 days until we have to go back. I know 2 months is not that long. But that is double the time we had between this appearance and the first time we went for custody mediation. I saw some progress in the first month. Little things but progress. Her calls increased from none to a few, and she even winked at me a couple of times. At one point I had told her where I would be and she called to tell me she was thinking of comming. I was shocked. Oh one more positive from today, (at least I think it is) they ordered her to go to counseling. I feel like that has to be good. Anything that might help her look within. We will see. I know it was ugly and I walked out of there thinking how in the world could this possible work out? But after I thought about it for a while, I thought "what did you expect to happen?" I wish I had a better idea of what was and wasn't working. It seems like when I get her little gifts here and there she really brightens up. But part of me says that is just me pursueing. Love the insight guys/gals. Please keep it up RTQ
Me 34 WAW 34 S 3 D 1 Marr. 7 Tog. 8 Bomb 04/11/2009 Left 04/13/2009
dburt, We already have all the equipment, we have been camping for years. She is booking the campsite. She is also buying the tickets for the ball game. This is my point, if she doesn't love me, why is she still planning things for us to do as a family?
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Well another bit of an update. Talked to her this morning. Today is the first day with the court ordered visit schedule. So I was trying to coordinate pick up and drop off points. I did not want to call last night because I felt like she would be reeling to much from the day. I know I was. She made the comment today that she felt like my sister and brother in law that were there with me ignored her and she said "Well I know where I stand with your family." I tried to reassure her that they felt the same way that she had ignored them. She said it wasn't the case although she did admit to ignoring me. All in all it was a 30-35 minute phone call. She said she wants to do what is best for the kids and put our problems aside. I told her that in my heart I know what is best for the kids and I am going to do just that. She paused for a while and did not say anything. I see more of the guard up and down all the time and after this I was thinking that I would see it up a bit longer. But we weren't in person either. Who knows? Any ways I will see her this afternoon and then this evening. I just hope that this 2 more months will give me the time to break more of this wall down. I know it can't hurt. RTQ
Me 34 WAW 34 S 3 D 1 Marr. 7 Tog. 8 Bomb 04/11/2009 Left 04/13/2009
Well after what happened in court I was not expecting much from the exchange of the kids. Was I shocked! I am not sure if it was because it was at the neutral location or what. Meeting at a public place was great. She was sitting down eating lunch with the kids and we were able to talk for about an hour. It came up that she sees the changes I have made in my life and they are things that she has always wanted to see(more time with the kids) she does not know if they are for real or if they are just to just to get them back. I told her that in time she would know. She asked me why I was still wearing my wedding ring and I told her it was becasue of the faith that I have in the future. She later asked me when dropping the kids off that she feels like she is getting mixed signals from me that I want us to be together and other times that I don't. I asked her what kind of signals does she feel like she is sending to me? She said a little of both. I told her how excited I was to spend time with the kids this weekend as it will be my first overnight with the kids in over 2 months. She seemed a bit taken back. I went out last night and did some shopping for clothes and things for the kids. It was fun. She called me 3 times while I was out. I was shocked! That is just about as many times as she has called me since this has happened. I think she is just as excited about me taking the kids. Never thought I would see these kinds of signals so close after we were in court. That whole court thing was bad. I hope all of this positive behavior continues. I am not going overboard though. Going to keep the changes going. They seem like they are working. RTQ
Me 34 WAW 34 S 3 D 1 Marr. 7 Tog. 8 Bomb 04/11/2009 Left 04/13/2009
Well it was first overnight friday and man was I excited. I met my wife at the McDondals and got the kids. We spoke for about 15 minutes and it was pretty neutral. The kids were having a really tough time with her not comming with us. Especially our son. She was doing her best to console him. I was really hoping this was getting to her like it was me. Was killing me to see this. Any ways while we were moving things to the car from hers I went and put a CD I had bought her in the player without her noticing. It was one of her favorite bands. We left and I was hoping she would call or something to say thanks or check and see how the kids were doing. At home we had a great time. It really seemed like how things used to be. Me home from work and getting the kids ready for the night. Even the dogs were acting normal. Still I kept feeling like there was one thing missing. After both the kids were down I was really hoping she would call to check and see how the evening went. Never happened. I did not want to call her as I wanted her to know or feel what it is like not knowing. The next day (yesterday) we went out and had a great time. My son kept asking the whole time why mom did not come with us. Later in the day I felt sad the the time together was comming to an end. I got them all ready to go back to be with their mom at the grandparents house and my son tells me "dad I don't want to go back to nanna and poppa's house I want to get mom and come here to our house." What do you say to that. I told him I know. Me too. I did not know what to expect when I met her. I was hoping she would be excited to see us. I should have known better. I should have realized that all of the past times when reality is setting in I get "THE WALL." After court appearances, before, during, and times like this where reality is setting in I have seen this. It is hard because it is something I have no control over. She was very cold and went on to tell me that she sees the old me and that nothing has changed. She had a book in her car that she was reading when we pulled up, I think it was Parenting after Divorce. I backslid a bit and asked her why she was reading that and she did not answer. My son said to her when she was pulling him out of the car "Mom I don't want to go to nanna and poppa's house lets go to our house." I did not answer I wanted her to answer him. She just told him I know. I feel like I have changed so much for the better. Doing things with the kids that I would have never done before. The hardest part is staying positive that these things will make a difference. I want nothing more than for us to work these things out. I know we can. I feel like it is so hard when she is being bombarded by family, books, etc. and other sources that she has made the right decision. I told her that I knew deep down she wanted things to work out. She looked me in the eyes and did not say anything. But I know without a doubt it is true. I know I should not have said it. I know I should not talk about things like that but should keep things more of the friendship basis. Is is just so hard when this pending divorce is looming over you. I know I have not detached. How do you detach from someone you love and want to spend the rest of you life with. I have stopped the calls and e-mails a while ago. The only thing that seemed to be a positive yesterday when dropping the kids off was when I asked her if she had found anything in her car (the cd)? She said she had and had a genuine smile on her face. She asked if it was on loan or a gift? I told her it was for her. I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her. I can tell she appreciates things like this. I know they may seem to be small things but I can really see a difference. I feel like a lot of people on here though would tell me not to do it as it is seen as an act of chasing her. We are getting close to three months of living apart. I wish I could see in the future to what lies ahead. Any advice would be great. RTQ
Me 34 WAW 34 S 3 D 1 Marr. 7 Tog. 8 Bomb 04/11/2009 Left 04/13/2009
