An example of a "truth dart" might be (these were ones that I used, so use/adapt accordingly):
-I will not hide your affair.
-I will not financially support your affair.
-It's your mess, you clean it up.
-Send him an email with STD statistics, no other comments.
-Secrets kill marriages.
-You are being played.
- Your current behavior is not helping the children.
- "No contact" means "no contact". Working in close quarters with someone who's admitted being attracted to you, and vice-versa, is inappropriate in a HEALTHY marriage. It's absolutely DESTRUCTIVE in one that's on the rocks!
- How will you be able to counsel your daughters one day if they're having problems? To cut and run? To have an affair?
- You are placing your friend before your husband, and your friendship before your marriage.
What do you mean by landing little truth darts now and then? Any tips for the over-analyzing problem? Well we tried relationship talk in counseling and he's dropped out. We're about 8 to 10 weeks into this. When is it appropriate to talk about R? Only if he brings it up?
I told him my concerns about him dropping out of counseling and didn't push the issue. I go the first time tomrrow night by myself. This is wearing me out!
Ok - there's was no physical affair. He just talked to his best friend's W to help her with her situation and to talk about our situation. Just talked on the phone. She still wants to get back with her H.
Our oldest son is 18 and the younger one turns 14 on Monday. I know he's concerned about the 14 year old and that's helping him to stay. His view of me right now really hurts my feelings.
My concern is that he's watching for each little mistake he thinks I make to validate things. But I guess if he's doing that then the real truth is that he wants out. I don't know I struggle with just letting things be and let it play out. I infuriate myself sometimes!
There are only 2 possible outcomes: 1) will put our marriage back together in a new improved version 2) he'll move out and we'll get divorced. My plan is to quit beating up on myself when I do something he sees as negative, keep trying to make my positive behavior changes, and really work on not analyzing everything he says and does because I'm driving myself and him nuts with that!
My friend told me today that I need to call her before I take any action - just have her talk me down from the ledge so to speak. Hopefully, that and the counselor can help me keep focused and work on my anxiety. I don't know maybe it's time to talk to the doctor about anxiety medicine.
Puppy Dog Tails - Ok to add to the post above. I found out at work today that they want me to travel every other week August through October. I don't know what to do. Part of me is afraid to be gone that much and the other part of me thinks maybe that's the space he needs and it will help him to have some time to see what it's like when I'm not around and maybe even miss me a little bit (wishful thinking on my part).
I was thinking about saying that I can only travel one week a month. What do you think?
I think the general rule of thumb would be, that if BOTH partners are committed to reconciliation, you should turn down travel like this EVEN IF it hurt your career -- healing the marriage would come first.
But if your husband isn't committed at this point? Then if it were me, I'd make him miss me.
(ok, that sounds gay, but you know what I'm saying)
I don't know yet. That's what he said he has to make up his mind to see if he wants to work on the marriage. I think his refusal to go back to counseling is a bad sign. He said that after I showed up at his work last week he was done. I think I got through to him just ever so little on Sunday night when he asked to talk to me.
I'm nervous about being gone. My youngest will be starting his first year in high school and he has 3 learning disabilities. Also, if I'm honest I'm afraid to be away - wondering what he's doing. OK - here's my anxiety driven thoughts - What if he decides he really likes me being away? What if schedules an appointment with a lawyer while I'm gone (although early on we supposedly agreed to talk to each other about it before filing).
If you're afraid to make this decision, then maybe you should make it IRRESPECTIVE of the marital implications. If this wasn't going on with your husband . . . would you travel?
Typically I'd talk it over with him. I will definitely have to do that. This is something I'll definitely have to discuss with the counselor tonight! I'm still so confused about what to do!
