Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
In a nutshell, 3 years ago, her mom and close sister-in-law died within a month of each other. From that point on, I notice slight change in her personality. Last summer; finances get very bad, no communication between the two of us, she is in charge of finances, I'm not aware how bad the problem is, she doesn't explain it, I don't "step up to the plate" and look for second job. When we finally realize that she has been harboring bad feelings, we attempt counseling. During counseling, I realize my faults in the relationship and begin changing myself for the better. (Still haven't reverted back) She says it might be too late, she doesn't feel she loves me anymore. Couple counseling ends. 2 occasions she becomes very affectionate, I think everything is OK. As time goes on, She reveals those times were her trying very hard to regain feelings, didn't work. During this time, still in same house, still in same bed, no physical contact, but everything else is normal. Get along fine, still doing things as a family (2 boys, 3 and 5). Everytime we talk about relationship, she still says she doesn't love me. She begins individual therapy, gets put on anti-depressants. Stops both. Recently, she started therapy again, I discover 1800 texts a month to her old boyfriend with whom she is going to be working for. I have not confronted her on this yet. There is more stuff in between, but those are the important parts I guess. Except of course the fact that I am completely devastated and trying very hard to DB. If not for my 2 boys, I don't know how well I would be holding up. Thanks
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Where are you at with boundaries? Does she know what you will or will not tolerate?
Have you asked her if she wants to see other people? You cant avoid this. She needs to know that you feel this is unacceptable. If she wants to date then you will have to figure out what that means for you. I would tell her that if she is seeing someone else then she needs to move out. Sounds like you need to take back the reigns.
That is my Opinion anyway. Others may disagree.
I let me X walk all over me. Lie to my face. Tried to be the nice guy. Where did that get me.
During the time that she was "trying" to get her feelings back, what did you do differently to encourage that?
The work has to come from you. The reason being that she had already put it in her mind to leave. If you read the WASs posts, you'll see that it's a process that takes a LONG time and not just a couple of months. It takes at least a year of honest work from both partners to get that groove going again.
Your W hasn't said she wanted a D which is a big plus. If she's there for the kids, great! Step up and do things differently to get her attraction back for you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I'm getting there, PMA. Up till now, I have tried to treat this like she was sick. I figured if there was something wrong with her psychologically, I would have to stand by her and support her until she gets well. Then, hopefully we would be able to work on our marriage, and fix that. It was only yesterday that I found the text messaging was so high. I still think she has issues she needs to clear up. However, with this new information, I have to change my thinking. I am going to confront her on the texts and find out exactly what she wants right now, and deal with it from there. I still don't believe there is anything physical going on, but there certainly is something happening. At this point, if she really is developing something with this guy, then I would definately think she had to move out for a while. However, I have to think of my kids, so right now, I am not sure exactly what I am going to do, but I will do something.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Sounds like a plan. Just like a boxer. Always be adapting. Bob and weave. Communication is definitely the key. She needs to let you know where she's at. If she needs space and time and doesnt know what she wants right now. Give her that. Just dont compromise your NUTS. Read the book and you will know.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
