Don't Let Them Eat Cake

[In Limbo]

Puppy -

If you made it over here - many thanks! I believe that I read on one of your posts that you believe the spouse of the OP should know what's going on. For some time I've been wrestling with that issue and would like to know do you feel that way for EA or just PA? Why do you feel that way and how would you let them know?

Little background, my H is in EA and denies it's anything more than really good friends. OW is 26, was sexually abused as a child and very insecure. I discovered EA by reading emails between them back in March. He complimented her alot and said he loved her over and over, wondered "what if" they'd met single, etc. But there were no sexual references. In the last one, she told him that they could only be friends if it was paternal. Since then he has said they are friends, the relationship is not inappropriate and he will not give her up as a friend just because I think it's EA. They have continued to text 50+ times/day, meet for lunch, he's given her a $150 bracelet, they keep R secret from coworkers, etc. H says her H knows all this. I do not believe it is PA but do see this as EA. I believe H does have "more than friend" feelings for her, but am not sure she reciprocates or maybe is so naive and immature that she just sees it as friends. So maybe he's downplayed those feelings even to her? But even if she's not reciprocating, if he's pursuing her isn't that still EA? I'm thinking her H needs to know what's going on. But I'm getting alot of advice that telling him would conflict with DB, only make things worse, be controlling, etc. So I'm interested in hearing the point of view from someone who does think the spouse of OP should know. I do realize that I am not detached and still way too focused on H. I'm working on that. I'm not sure that I'd really even ever contact OW or her H, but am interested to hear what you think.

Would appreciate feedback.