K4D Rising #2

[25yearsmlc]

Kev,

When people said you two deserve each other, in case you didn't catch the intent, it was not meant as a compliment. It's b/c you both play crazy sick games with each other.

Re-read CG's post b/c it was very clear. You are in denial about your w's motives AND you shouldn't focus on them anyhow, but what's ironic is that you DO focus on her motives AND then you get them wrong! Stop it. No divorce yet...so what? You keep thinking she changed her mind but didn't tell you? Really? You think she'd hide that? You think she's testing you? And if only you do such and such, that all will be well and it will happen FAST!!! BUT of course, she isn't telling you this? Couldn't it be Kevin, that she is indifferent to it and that it serves HER purposes to not get the divorce yet? Couldn't it be that she likes the control this gives her over you? God knows you won't do ANYTHING that remotely suggests getting a spine, or disagreeing with her or not obeying her, b/c she knows you are terrified she'll file again...isn't that just as likely? Isn't it more likely?
and if we are all wrong, and are all missing these signs of wonderful things to come around the corner, my "guess" is that it is we remember some things YOU forget fast b/c you were not at her birthday just a few DAYS ago b/c she excluded you, and you were not welcome to be around ANY of her family just a few DAYS ago..b/c [i]she excluded you, but she saw fit to tell you about the sex she hoped to have with OM....did we imagine this? are we making it up or confusing your w with someone else? It that the behavior of someone who is progressing towards reconciling with you? (no it is not).

.... Isn't it true that SHE did not want you around but has been using her mother as the excuse and confessed this to you??? Didn't that happen in the past 10 days? Did this happen or are we all hallucinating? [/i] but b/c you both comforted the troubled child, you see HOPE?? Sorry Kevin, but I see a concerned mother who spent a few minutes in the same room as you...period. You have NO patience and you know this is a huge obstacle in your life. So fix it!

That's why you see small signs of civility and pity (and her need to feel magnanimous towards you in front of the kids especially so she can tell herself and the kids, she's the one who took the high road and you are the needy clingy one she still has NO respect for -- but you see that comforting of d7 as something to JUMP ON...

Kevin, arguing about the hotel issue is ridiculous. How can you NOT See this? You think you looked stronger to your w by making that choice? Two things to say to that; 1) you should NOT care what the heck she thinks of your choices; and 2) once again, you guessed wrongly anyhow. She did NOT respect your choice; she looked good in front of the kids and felt good about her pitying gesture towards you...but back to #1...who cares what she thought? Can't you say "no" to her one time? Why oh why do you ask for our opinion only to ignore it one day later? What did you think that discussion we had was about? You waste my time and energy. Can't you grasp the concept of detachment?

You don't seem capable of restraint of any kind around her...and the whole post about delayed gratification--read that again Kevin b/c I put a lot of time into that. If you could learn how to do that and detach, you would solve 90% of your problems...

of course they would lead you to go to AA meetings and c and btw, have you gone to ANY AA meetings yet? How many people will need to say that and how many times, before you'll go? We know you agreed it was a good idea but the thing is, for YOU, agreeing to do something and then actually DOING it, are FAR FAR APART... so why not tell us now, will it be 4 of us saying it 23 times, or what? You know, before you actually do it? Like the c? That was 9 of us saying it >45 times....with you agreeing EARLY ON to doing it...so how long and how many of us will it take this time? I can't say you'll have all of them around, my guess is you won't...but what do you think it will take for you to DO a thing you agree to do...

Lastly, for the record, For you to fear that she might think you have a gf or that you have moved on and GAL, if you act like it, OR DO IT, is hilarious. So is the idea that it would hurt your chances of a reconciliation...Kevin, you don't get this whole concept of GAL and revealing nothing to her about your life, b/c you are GAL and it is not any of her business, at all? DO you? She will never worry about you GAL or not wanting a reconciliation....she will never worry that you are not waiting and waiting for her. She has no reason to move towards you b/c she is exploring "other options" (OMs) and you made it perfectly clear you are waiting there, in case she some day changes her mind... She does not fear you GAL or moving on at all. (Good God, we wish. )
You are SO predictable.
Re-read CG's last post, the post I wrote about learning to delay gratification-a life skill which you sorely needed two decades ago and need now more than ever, and the piece on Detachment over and over...and good luck.
j-