Why not?

[MrBond]

So did you end up going to the zoo with him?

I would have just said, "I know you had a rough night, so you can rest up and we'll go on. See ya later."

Show him that he doesn't really matter. There's one thing that your H has been craving from you ATTENTION.

It's like a little boy looking for attention from his mommy. Then when you pull away a little, he'll whine, complain, say you're unfair, etc. But don't give in. You've set up your life for yourself and have your own agenda. Don't accomodate your life for his. What will happen is that he'll run back to the OW and complain about how you are so unfair...boo hoo hoo. But eventually everyone is going to get sick of hearing it from him. That's the time when he's going to have to stop and actually think, hey maybe it's me that has a problem.

I don't think you necessarily have to give him an ultimatum. I think you're way early in the process for that, but only you will know how much you can tolerate.

I never thought I'd last this long too.

Don't be afraid to establish the schedule and see what happens. The next time he calls to cancel or complain about why he might not make it, CUT HIM OFF BEFORE HE STARTS. Then just tell him, that's okay, you're going to be fine being with the kids without him (in a nice way) and that you have to go or you'll be late. That's it.

He'll be chomping at the bit because he didn't get a chance to "brag" to you or explain his reasons to you. But you know what? It's none of your concern and you're a busy woman with a L. A L that has meaning and not just shallow parties.

Imagine him as one of your kids. It's alot easier to get over the fear when you see him like that.