Prematurely called divorce busted, worse now

[Orich]

In a nutshell,
3 years ago, her mom and close sister-in-law died within a month of each other. From that point on, I notice slight change in her personality. Last summer; finances get very bad, no communication between the two of us, she is in charge of finances, I'm not aware how bad the problem is, she doesn't explain it, I don't "step up to the plate" and look for second job. When we finally realize that she has been harboring bad feelings, we attempt counseling. During counseling, I realize my faults in the relationship and begin changing myself for the better. (Still haven't reverted back) She says it might be too late, she doesn't feel she loves me anymore. Couple counseling ends. 2 occasions she becomes very affectionate, I think everything is OK. As time goes on, She reveals those times were her trying very hard to regain feelings, didn't work. During this time, still in same house, still in same bed, no physical contact, but everything else is normal. Get along fine, still doing things as a family (2 boys, 3 and 5). Everytime we talk about relationship, she still says she doesn't love me. She begins individual therapy, gets put on anti-depressants. Stops both.
Recently, she started therapy again, I discover 1800 texts a month to her old boyfriend with whom she is going to be working for. I have not confronted her on this yet.
There is more stuff in between, but those are the important parts I guess.
Except of course the fact that I am completely devastated and trying very hard to DB. If not for my 2 boys, I don't know how well I would be holding up.
Thanks