WAW and 4 kids

[In Limbo]

Trying,

You'll find lots of folks on here to give you great feedback from their own experiences. I'm sort of a newbie myself, but wanted to post to give you some encouragement. I also have a spouse involved in EA and we're still living in the same house. I experienced the same tragedy of getting my "wake up call" when I discovered the EA. I get the "it's too late" along with anger (why are you changing now when you wouldn't change for so many years). It's frustrating when you're making changes and they are unwilling to make any changes or work on the R. I also tried to demand contact with OW stop, but came to the same realization you have - we can't control that and saying it has to stop when the MLC/WAS doesn't want to work on the R almost makes it like forbidden fruit and pushes them that way. My suggestion is not to try to control it and not to even talk about OM if possible. I have a hard time with that, but it's the DB advice consistently given.

You seem to have suffered the "busy life" syndrome and to me that makes detachment harder because it's counterintuitive. If the problem is not being emotionally attached, how can you fix it by becoming detached? But detaching will help you and that's really what this is all about - you. If W sees changes and decides to work on R, then wonderful. If not, you need to be the best you that you can for your future.

Hang in there! Keep posting - it's nice to know we're not alone in the madness.