Don't confront the other guy, confront your wife. If you talk to him, he (and your wife) will only see it as WEAK, and you'll elevate him in importance.
Yes, you should expose their relationship to his wife. She may or may not be aware of what's going on, but she has a RIGHT to be, and to be able to make her own decisions for her and her family.
How do you know she's lying? Because she's ALREADY lied to you, and people caught up in these things ALWAYS lie. Period.
C'mon, I think you know that already. It's human nature to want to focus on the positives, but frankly I don't see many. You need to confront the reality of the situation, and fight for your marriage -- if that's indeed what you want to do.
Just a thought. She may not realize that an EA is just as inappropriate (sometimes worse) than a PA. She may have herself convinced that as long as there is no physical aspect to the R, it isn't "cheating." You may need to be prepared to school her on that. Perhaps Puppy or someone here has a good one-line explanation that you can use with her if she tries to justify the R.
I used to derive the same satisfactions from going to the gym when my M was a SSM. I understand you and feel for you.
Thanks, both of you. I have a lot of "manning up" to do. Why is it that in every other aspect of life, I have no problems doing what needs to be done. I am a police officer and have on many occasions done things without hesitation. I have been in gunfights, and have never once been this scared.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
O - Probably because you have a "big heart". Also, read up on "Co-Dependence". You feel you need to do whatever she tells you. Also, because you're a cop you are trained to CONTROL the situation. Were you controling in your relationship? Its hard to turn it off. Sometimes we don't realize we are being controling. Not by force but maybe by manipulation. I know I was guilty of this. I know a lot of us are. If you have a dominant personality and like things done a certain way then you have a tendency to manipulate your partner to do things that way or you get upset. Who knows but it all comes down to RESPECT. You of all ppl know about this. If the perp doesnt respect your authority then your screwed. Im not a cop but have a lot of friends who are and I used to do security.
If we try CONTROLING our loved ones then we LOSE RESPECT. When did YOU lose her RESPECT??? How did you first gain it? Would fighting for her gain her RESPECT? You know her best.
I agree with Puppy. Get proof and bust the affair if possible. Do it with RESPECT. Do it without making her feel bad. Just say you are doing what's best for the family. Dont be mean or vindictive about it.
I definately haven't controlled. In fact, I probably let her control too much. Maybe part of the problem is that I never fought with her. I know when she first started going out at night I never told her it bothered me. I wanted to make sure she was OK, and if she needed to go out, that would help her. Maybe I should have been a bit more controlling.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
