Fire's burning out...just smoldering

[blindsided1]

I finished up the divorce paperwork yesterday. Sent a text to H telling him that I finished it. He must have called at least 10 times, then a text "call me". I didn't answer his calls and I didn't call him back. I just had no desire to talk to him and listen to his BS regarding the D. So, this morning I am downstairs feeding the dogs and getting K's stuff together for school. I come back upstairs and H has called 8 times. 8 TIMES!!! Then a text "call me asap". I texted back "busy getting K ready for school". He calls. So, I answer. He's mad that I didn't call him or take his calls. Too bad. So, here, I figure he is going to press me about the divorce stuff and I am prepared to answer calmly and briefly and get on with my day. Nope! Sex talk. "So, when do I get my father's day present?" "When are we going to have sex for the last time?" "Don't you want to......?" I hummmm'd and hawwww'd, changed the subject, talked about K, finally told him I had to go. It sooooo does NOT turn me on in the slightest anymore. It's really pretty gross to listen to him talk about sex. It's not at all intimate. It's more.... perverted and just plain yuck. I almost feel violated.
Whatever.
Yes, FG, SO2 and alive...you are all right on. Women do bend to his will. Why? Sure...he's attractive. But, there really is nothing else to him. I think most of it is bullying. He bullies people into doing what he wants and he is relentless. I think that WAS my problem...I would just give in because I didn't want to hear him complain and make my life hell. This is a huge problem...because the more he sees that using those tactics work, the more he'll use them. MIL has done this his whole life. She give in to him EVERY TIME. She created the monster. I also noticed that she does a lot of things that he does. She lies about little things that she really doesn't have to lie about. She hides things from her H. She tells people what she thinks they want to hear and then contradicts herself. She'll tell me one story, tell H another. She asks people to keep secrets. Don't get me wrong....I love my MIL. But, I am thankful that I can see her more clearly, now. I believed a lot in the beginning. Now, I take it all with a grain of salt. I don't trust that family, unfortunately. I kind of feel sorry for my H. He really didn't have a chance growing up. He never measured up to who they wanted him to be. His brother always over-shadowed him and was definitely favored by them. I would not want to be my H in a million years. He doesn't really know what happy is, what truth is, what love is. I wanted to be the one who really loved him. The one to show him what real love was and now, I am failing him, too. I am not really loving him much.