K4D Rising #2

[K4D]

Well, she did let the D get dismissed. This 55 year old guy that she is hanging out with is not the OM that she was sleeping with. I know that she is still in contact with OM. But I’m not sure that the A is still going strong anymore. This 55 year old appears at this point to be a friend. He is married with grown kids and loves his W from what I am being told. They do spend some good time together though. So I don’t know if he is on her list of next guy to try and get with or not. But she isn’t hiding anything about him with me where as she was with original OM and still does as far as she does not speak about original OM. But I have seen a lot of anger die down in her which I would think is a sign that things may not be strong anymore between them. The whole time things were hot between the 2, she was always short and angry and nasty with me.

Also the fact that she let the D get dismissed is a sign that the A is no longer anywhere at the level it used to be IMO. She filed for D to be with original OM. Now granted not to long ago she said that she will be going out with other guys.

Maybe at this point it is just being friends with her or co parents. But she knows where I stand as far as wanting our M and family back together. Probably a big mistake I made earlier on was telling her that I at least want to be friends. But I have made it entirely clear that my goal is for us to reconcile. So she knows that.

An overnight bag? I hadn’t thought of that. I don’t want her thinking I am in another relationship though. And that might present that idea. That might make her feel even more at ease with pursuing someone else. I’m not sure that I want to do that. But I do need to keep up the appearance of having a life as well as actually obtaining one.

I do keep faith that God will restore my M. And that is important to me. I try to stop by the church and pray most days. I try to read the bible more. If I keep faith and work on myself, it will happen. Something FaithfulH said is that a lot of times people give up to early. They don’t want to be in it for the long haul. I am in it for the long haul even if it is and will be painful at times. That’s where detaching comes in so that the pain lessens.

I don’t think that I could ever not care though. I am trying to get to the point where I want her but don’t need her. As the bible says, God’s grace is sufficient. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. But I also know that God’s will is for marriages to be restored and succeed. I only say a 2 year time frame because that seems to be the consensus before really being able to get this back on track. Who knows how long it will really take. But I know it will happen. I can’t see it not happening. She is slowly coming back around, VERY SLOWLY. EXTREMELY SLOWLY. But again, compared to where I was even a month ago, things are starting to approach better terms for us. It may only be the friendship and co parent right now, but that is more than I was even able to get before. It is something to build on. And like 25 says, the kids will be the one bond that we can always share that may give us another chance.

W told D7 this morning that nobody will ever love her more than me and her while we were laying with D7 this morning.

But I understand what you are saying though. I expect setbacks. And I can't be crushed or lose faith when they happen. Right now the fact that I can't even get a cup of coffee with her without the kids is still hard. But it is what it is right now.

Kevin