total quarter life mlc

[Sanderika]

mdoodles, thanks!!

My H actually said the same as yours. I had forgotten about that, OMG!!!

It was back in Nov of 05 after the bomb. We were in our offices and he said that I did nothing after the bomb to make him feel like I wanted him to stay.

I can remember why, it was because the bomb scared me to death and immediately drained me of my confidence and safe secure feelings. I was afraid to be in the same room as him let alone try and change his mind. I was sure that he meant what he said and there was no choice. I never thought he would stay away. I actually thought that we had such a huge bond that he would be back within a few weeks.

I also immediately knew about the OW. He met her on Aug 7th in 05 and I had immediate knowledge thanks to friends. I knew he was leaving me for her. He did deny this though. My friends actually gave me photographs and I still have them. He didn't admit to having a OW until July of 06.

I bucked up and have spent the last let's say 44 months fighting for him. He knows perfectly well what I want. Everyone does.
I have actually lost my entire family because I am standing for my marriage. I have zero contact with them now. They hate H and don't agree with me at all for not having gotten D'd already. H does not know this has all happened. I keep it a secret except here and my girlfriends know.

In the end of Sept. into Oct, of 05 I did a 360. I changed my appearance (hairstyle, wardrobe, makeup, attitude, manners, etc...) I started to make the changes for him. I soon realized that I was making them for me and everyone in my world I loved. I started to get compliments. H noticed immediately. It was the changes I made that has kept the marriage alive. I have maintained my changes and could not go back now. I practiced them until they became me.

He's still with her and not me???? The changes were good but they haven't brought me ultimately what I want. I want my family back, whole and lovingly happy together.

You are right about stopping the fight, we aren't ready. These H's are a part of us and we can't let that part go. Mine means the world to me, he is the love of my life. There can be no other.

Like you, I wish the OW would know they are fighting a losing battle and will just leave. They seem to be as stubborn as we are.

Sanderika