Hello All, I was here once and now I'm back again. Basically, we looked very very done and then things slowed down quite a bit.
Basic background: H wanted a separation and moved in with a friend November 2008. He came home and said he wanted to date other people while separated. I was shocked I agreed to it. (I hate myself for that, in hindsight). Turns out he was in teh process of starting an EA with a 23 year old coworker. By January he had gone to see a divorce lawyer, because things were getting pretty hot and heavy with is coworker, after I learned, she kissed him at work. By mid January, OW has a new, rich and younger than my H boyfriend and H gets his heart broken. Really I think it was more of a pride issue. OW calls me to let me know that "nothing every happened between us....I don't know how you do it, he's sort of annoying...have you notice how he's going bald?" I told her she would notice that better than me because she's taller than H, I'm not. So, over the last few months, OW has maintained her relationship with the new BF who lives about an hour out of town. She still hooks up with her EX bf and sometimes still flirts with my H. Over the last most recent weeks, 5 or so, I would guess, she's really cooled off to H and he's doing ok to well about it. But I do believe he still harbors some feelings for her.....the new rumor is that she and the new BF are going to be getting engaged this summer, possibly even this coming weekend.
In the meantime, H has moved into his own place. A little birdie told me he was expecting early summmer fire works when he moved out again.....from me going balistic. So I packed his stuff while he was playing golf and S was sleeping. I loaded up my SUV so when he got home, he could just take my SUV and go. I forgot the camera for when he got home to capture the look on his face....a huge regret of mine since it was truly priceless.
H went and saw his lawyer again about 3 weeks ago. His parents are paying for this new apartment, month to month. Same day H went and saw the lawyer, he said he would agree to counseling, and would be sincere. So I found a program online that I wanted us to try. I told H I would contest the D on the grounds we never sought professional help. I think his lawyer told him the same thing mine did, which is I would get my professional counseling, ordered by the courts because we have a 3 year old, however, eventually H would get his divorce because we live in a no fault state. So H agreed to do the at home program....then complained and moaned the how hour we were working on it. Around this time, a distant cousin found H on Facebook. They start communicating there, then they exchange numbers. So this distant, female cousin has replaced the other OW in terms of being his phone buddy. I once read a message that came in on his phone while I was in the kitchen and he went to the bathroom. I should not have read it, but hard not to. I simply said "She can't make you do any program and she can't make you stay married." The next hour, he's telling me he doesn't want to do the program and he's done. I said fine, I'm still contesting on the grounds we did not seek professional help. This at home program was the compromise because I know how much you don't want someone in our face asking us to repeat what the other just said. In the last week, H said he would try the program "but not because you badgered me into it or threaten me. I'm doing this because you said it would minimum help us get along better.....but it's not going to have the end result I think you want." I said "I once made the mistake of overestimating my worth in this relationship. I advise you from experience not to do the same."
So we are up to week two, where we made the promise to table certain issues, problems and stop doing certain things to irritate or upset the other. We're supposed to do this to remove the negatives and replace it with positives. So far, not too bad.
At this point, I'm not even sure what I'm fighting for. I think I have gotten to a point where I just really want to make sure I tried everything and did everything so I can be honest with my son when I tell him "Mommy fought tooth and nail."
