GETTING UN'STUCK'

[aliveandkicking]

I wonder what she thought about me getting her the books though.

I would guess, she is appreciative and a tad suspicious (but that is some serious long distance mind-reading).

IMO- you are still too focused on her. I think you should make sure you are GALing and don't do anything more than you are right now.

Sounds like she came home because she was stuck between either subjecting her child to physical pain or abandoning her kids. Not exactly a pleasant or enthusiastic motivation.

I am going out on a limb here as I really relate to your W for some reason. She needs to see what she is missing by withholding from you. You are attractive, great with the kids, have your sh*t together...you are a man only a fool would [withhold from]...

If I were her my big inner subconscious question would be "why the heck is Mr. Fabulous sticking around for this when I am giving him nada?"

So Stuck, can you articulate clearly, today, why are you still there? (this is not a trick question, just for you to be honest about where you are at today)...

[MrBond]

aak,

Boy you sure ask the easy questions. : )

Okay, well the corny answer is that I love her and always have from the moment I saw her. Sure we had our differences, but we balanced each other out very well. It really wasn't until we had kids that we started neglecting each other.

We weren't really co-dependent on each other. We each had our own thing going on and we had different careers. It's just that the time we had alone we wanted to spend it with each other.

She balances me out. I'm the outgoing one, she's the homebody. She's kept my head straight and I've let her be a little more adventurous.

I still love her as friend and partner. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to save her from herself and I'm shedding that perception. It is her choice to do what she wants and I respect that.

Am I afraid to be alone. Nope. I know that if we don't make it, when the time is right I'm going to find another individual to fall in love with. But right now, she's the one I am committed to. And she is the one I wanted to grow old with.

I'm not sure if that's the answer you're looking for, but it's the best one I've got.

[Gardener]

When my W came back it was because our youngest suffers from severe eczema.

stuck,
look into/google/whatever:
Fishoil (EFAs)
Red Marine Algae (this cleared up my 31 yo S's eczema)
B Complex
Zinc
Selenium
As with most things, often something's lacking from within. Topical applications provide relief of symptoms. Determine/eliminate the cause.

[Thinker]

In my Sitch S4 had terrible eczema as well - so bad that it put a huge dent in our M 3-4 years ago when it peaked.

Turned out to be dairy, S4 now on a dairy free diet and doing OK.

[confusedinpa]

I just called the 800 number for dtente, and they are going to send me some samples. I am "itching" to try it!

Where did you find the 800 number? I have some, but at $40/bottle, I could always use free samples (especialy since I lost my job last week).

Thanks

[aliveandkicking]

She's kept my head straight and I've let her be a little more adventurous.

Can you explain what you mean by this?

I am just winging this, trying to help you see what your agenda is and get clearer. I don't have some cryptic methodology. Again, I see similarities and am trying to get where you're operating from because I am sure she is feeling it.

[25yearsmlc]

Stuck,

I didn't find much of your response to AK's questions specific. What traits and qualities (not their relationship to yours) do you find so appealing about your wife and how much ego about losing someone is part of this? It should be part of it if you are human so don't think it's a trick question. (We all want to be invited to the party, even if we don't want to go...)

And the mind reading has to stop. Really a counter productive waste of time and it keeps you from doing things that you could be doing that ARE helpful. Make sense?

Keep at it.
J-

[aliveandkicking]

I actually want to understand more what Stuck is getting out of being where he is? I need to ask myself the same question.

His answers reflected more about why he wants to save M and why he loves W and why it is worth it.

As I said before, if I were her, I would be wondering why someone that together and wonderful would be sticking around for the mistreatment/neglect...that is assuming he is together and wonderful.

Sorry to talk about you like this Stuck...but we're here to help.

AND, apologies for the mind-reading, though, my point was that she may receive your actions with some suspicion...or not. You don't know.

[MrBond]

Thanks everyone for the skin tips. I'm compiling a list and am planning to try them one at a time.

[MrBond]

aak,

"She's kept my head straight and I've let her be a little more adventurous."

I should re-phrase that. She's kept my feet on the ground and made me appreciate the simple things like a home life and quiet time. On the flip side, I've taken her to places and done things that she would never have done on her own to get her out of her comfort zone every now and then. Such as going ziplining or even hiking.

"I am just winging this, trying to help you see what your agenda is and get clearer."

I really don't have an agenda. I'm just going with the flow of things. I am much more assertive though than I was when the bomb first hit. Once she told me she wanted a D, it's like the Mrs. Hyde switch got turned on and she was angry, tried to have ultimate control (yet blamed me for controlling her) and was so totally not the person that I M. I think in terms of the OM, since she was leaving me for him, in her mind it was all or nothing.

"Again, I see similarities and am trying to get where you're operating from because I am sure she is feeling it."

Okay, I'm not sure what you mean by this. What do you mean by "feeling it"? What is "it"?